God is nonexistent. Need proof? Nickelback is headed our way.
With great displeasure, Crossfade regrets to announce that Alberta, Canada "rock" band Nickelback will soon embark on their Here and Now arena tour, a 39-city trek across the United States and Canada.
On Saturday, May 5, the Chad Kroeger-lead bunch will dad-rock the BankAtlantic Center with their perplexingly marketable brand of alternative adult contemporary music, a sound the Black Keys' Patrick Carney called, "watered-down, post-grunge crap," in a recent issue of Spin.
South Florida, we must band together and stop Nickelback from infiltrating our up-and-coming, culturally relevant music scene. Keep reading to find out how.
This past November, 55,833 Detroit Lions fans signed an electronic petition to replace Nickelback as the Thanksgiving Day game halftime entertainment. Citing the Motor City's collective disapproval and a concession stand conspiracy, petitioners pleaded with team owners to reconsider the inclusion of music's biggest black eye in one of the most-watched games of the year.
"Nickelbacks' music doesn't even reflect a musical genre that has ever been popular in the city. It is not rock and roll, it's a nasty hybrid of the worst manufactured music on the planet," wrote one disgruntled fan.
"I'm from Alberta, home of Nickleback, and I would like to stop them from performing anywhere else," quipped one petition supporter. "They have been giving Canadians and Albertans a bad name since they puked out that 'How You Remind Me' thing way back when, and I think it is time they are stopped."
Sadly, shit music prevailed after the exhaust smoke cleared. Nickelback performed at halftime and the Packers defeated the Lions 27-15. Worse, Canada defeated America.
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If you love this country, you'll support Crossfade's effort to stop Nickelback from playing South Florida. Join our Facebook group and refuse the band's $225 VIP ticket package, punch a Nickelback fan in the stomach, and restore dad rock to its American roots.
Nickelback with Bush, Seether, and My Darkest Days. Saturday, May 5. BankAtlantic Center, One Panther Pkwy., Sunrise. The show starts (if we don't stop it) at 6 p.m. and tickets cost $17.50 to $86.75 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. Call 954-835-7825 or visit bankatlanticcenter.com.