Despite all of the hootin', hollerin', and mouth-breathin' about "Obamacare," communism is nowhere near making a comeback.
Let's review the facts: It's been more than 20 years since David Hasselhoff rubbed his gargantuan wienerschnitzel all over the crumbling Berlin Wall. China went so far to the fucking left they ended up on the right. And McDonalds will set up shop in Cuba before the decade is over.
Sorry, bro. It's hard for us to take you seriously when you call Barack Obama a socialist. Maybe you should turn the crosshairs of that McCarthy-style paranoia onto a public figure who might actually be a secret member of the Red Army?
Like folky singer-songwriter Regina Spektor.
She was born in Moscow. Her middle name is Ilyinichna. And upon returning from her first trip to Mother Russia after immigrating to the Bronx at the age of nine, the quirky, piano-pounding songstress was infused with a newfound nationalism.
She told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that her trip was simultaneously "exciting," "emotional," and "mind blowing." What she failed to mention was that, according to our manic imagination, all her time off stage was dedicated to secret, underground bunker jam sessions with Vladimir Putin.
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We can't wait for the commie-tastic bootleg.
Regina Spektor. Saturday, November 17. Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The show starts at 8:30 p.m. and tickets cost $43.50 plus fees via livenation.com. All ages. Call 305-673-7300 or visit fillmoremb.com.