If George Washington had envisioned this country's birthday parties revolving around guys dressed like girls, guys that want to be girls, guys that like guys, and women that could beat up most guys, he might not have crossed the Delaware. Squeeze (2 S. New River Dr., Fort Lauderdale, 954-522-2151) is hosting a July Fourth Demon Dance this Friday. The brazen women of Jack Off Jill will perform with the Linda Blairs, a group of South Florida musicians in drag covering campy Eighties hits by female singers. A party that drag queens will take much more seriously is the grand opening of Escuelita, July 4 and 5, in the old Cheetah Club location (220 21 St., Miami Beach, 534-5599). Escuelita is a gay and Latin club transplanted from New York, where its sister club of the same name has flourished for years. The opening events of the gay and Latin showplace will have DJs Lazaro Leon and special guest Joel Torres manning the hi-fi, plus a grand drag show featuring Angel Sheridan. But if you don't want anything even remotely down-to-earth, go to a rave. Friday offers two: Boundless at Salvation (1771 West Ave., Miami Beach, 673-6508) with DJs Symbiosis, Robbie Hardkiss, and Bruce Wilcox, to name a very few ( doors open at 11:00); and Subliminal at Cafe Casablanca (100 Ansin Blvd., Hallandale, 954-454-3301), which starts at 3:30 a.m. with live performances by the Crystal Method and Uber Zone. Also in the house is the usual army of DJs, led by Vicious Vic and Stryke.
Splash, "Crimson Tide." The boys at Splash are starting the holiday fireworks early with reduced admission for anyone clad head to toe in red, white, and blue. DJ Abel gets the sparks flowing from the wheels of steel. 5922 S. Dixie Hwy., South Miami, 661-0917.
Liquid, "Bass Mint." The NFA runs three rooms that blast you with three different sounds -- acid jazz, hip-hop, and house rhythms. With special guest DJ Jam Master Jay from Run-D.M.C., who needs to go anywhere else? 1439 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, 532-9154.
Yuca. Miami's darling Latin songstress Albita and her band perform boleros and son, providing a relaxing preholiday vibe. Advance reservations suggested. 501 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach, 532-9822.
Club MG. Rise above the crowds (literally) at the only nightclub remaining on the Drive. MG features a rooftop pool bar and dance floor -- the perfect place to kick back, watch fireworks, and grin at the crowds below waddling along the jammed sidewalk. 524 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach, 532-8420.
Trattoria Pampered Chef. The voice of Argentina, Carlos Cortez, sings tango tunes and performs romantic musical interludes; three shows nightly. 3145 Commodore Plaza, Coconut Grove, 567-0104.
Berlin Bar, "Sentimental Journey." Start your weekend off with an exclusive cocktail hour. Vocalist John Reubens (with Niki Blacker at the piano) takes you on a melodic journey to a time when tunes were really tunes -- by the Gershwins, Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and many more. 661 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, 674-9300.
World Resources. Local group the Tribe leads a multicultural gathering of talented percussionists for a night of African, Haitian, and Brazilian rhythms. 719 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach, 534-9095.
Chili Pepper, "Metalheadz." In the old Edge spot, known for its raves lasting into the late morning, the Chili Pepper keeps the electricity flowing, but not for quite as long. From 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. the Pepper tunes in with DJs Ed Rush, Doc Scott, and J. Majik. 200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-525-5996.
Jazid, "Big Phat Bop" The candlelight and jazz will bring out the cool in any nightcrawler. 1342 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, 673-9372.
Mac's Club Deuce. Want a break from the weekend hype? Grab a drink at this venerable Beach watering hole. Construction workers, pretty boys, detectives, impostors, models, and professionals (many different types of professionals) will be there fueling up for whatever's next on the agenda. 222 Fourteenth St., Miami Beach, 531-6200.
Kitchen Club. Get out the whips and chains, because the house gives a $100 bar tab to the person in the best bondage outfit. DJ Carlos St. Germain churns out gothic, dark-wave, and retro tunes. 11220 Biscayne Blvd., Miami Shores, 754-0777.
Lua, "Hercules." The strongest one-nighter of ultra hipness has moved again, this time back to its birthplace, which it now shares with club Rex. All the moving hasn't slowed down DJ Rad, who coolly spins out solid grooves of acid jazz, funk, and soul. A Sunday institution. 409 Espanola Way, Miami Beach, 737-2326.
Bash, "Disco Night." The best in disco, swing, funk, and soul with French DJ Christian. 655 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, 538-8858.
Evangeline Creole Bar. Dave Camp stirs things up with his brand of 'Nawlins-style blues tonight and tomorrow. 211 S. Atlantic Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-522-7001.
821, "Bingo." This isn't your grandma's bingo night! Local celebrities call out numbers and a different charity organization cashes in a each week. 821 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach, 531-1188.
KGB, "Home Cookin'." Huge helpings of special soul and hip-hop flavors for a laid-back-locals kind of crowd. 637 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, 534-5420.
Alcazaba, "Ladies Night." The upwardly mobile and utterly sophisticated Latin crowd converges for dancing, drinks, and socializing. 50 Alhambra Plaza (Hyatt Regency), Coral Gables, 441-1234.
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Warsaw Ballroom, "Male Erotica Night." Strippers, both amateur and all-too-professional, compete for sleaze and glory. Not for the faint of heart. 1450 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, 531-4555.
-- By Larry Boytano
Send information regarding special "one-nighters" to "Into the Night." Fax material to 571-7678 or call 571-7572.