Perverts, you're in luck. With more hedonists per square mile than most other cities, Miami Beach offers more than a few chances to get any wicked urges out of your system before the traditional chocolates and roses of Valentine's Day bring you down. And New Times will even help you. Our own Wild Side is throwing an Erotic City party at the Living Room (671 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2340) on Friday. The bondage folks will be there, some in cages, some not, as will fetish hounds galore; plenty of masters, slaves, and erotic art; and maybe even the dominant nurse who last week advertised in the "Women Seeking Men" section for "all enema deprived recipients in need of discipline." Admission is free if you place a complimentary Wild Side ad before midnight. Everyone who places an ad will automatically be entered to win a seven-day, six-night vacation for two at Hedonism III in Jamaica. The party begins at 10:00 p.m. with an open bar and buffet until midnight. Cover charge without an ad is $30.
If our wild side isn't gritty enough for you, try the Pre-Valentine's Day Fuck Fest with Bozo Porno Circus at Groove Jet's (323 23rd St., Miami Beach; 305-532-2002) the Church on Sunday. What's a Bozo Porno Circus? Good question. Think Impotent Sea Snakes, Genitorturers, and a touch of Insane Clown Posse. Sound scary? Yup. And keep a close eye on your date, because this Houston outfit likes plenty of audience participation. The festivities begin at 10:00 p.m. Call for cover.
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If it's a gentler Cupid you're after, he may show up at the Van Dyke Café (846 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 305-534-3600) on Sunday or Monday for the legendary Mose Allison shows. Even though Allison is more than 70 years old, the pianist and vocalist is still making records, and he will surely be around longer than the pleasure one derives from a whip, or any band with Bozo in its name. The music begins at 9:00 p.m. Table charge is ten dollars.