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Hunx and His Punx: Top Ten NSFW Things We Learned Via Seth Bogart's Twitter

Seth Bogart is queercore's flat-chested poster boy and a household name among same-sex households with an affinity for independent garage rock.

The colorful 31-year-old Hunx and his Punx frontman has become one of Hardly Art's chief impresarios, a showman who's second to none. Whether he's eye-fucking men at his lively shows, threatening to pee in a bandmate's butthole, or questioning the respective sizes of the Jacuzzi Boys' dicks, Bogart's brash, unfiltered persona is both charming and alarming.

At a Sailor Jerry event in Miami last year, a free-balling Bogart did all three -- eye-fucked, threatened, and questioned. "I feel that this is, like, fake," he told the crowd that night. "Don't you feel like we're all extras in a movie?"

This Friday, Hunx and his Punx's metaphysical movie will resume filming in Miami when Bogart and his band bursts into Churchill's Pub, Little Haiti's indie music equivalent to a San Francisco glory hole -- seedy, sloppy, and undeniably tempting.

The Miami stop is one of several on the group's current tour, an international trek across North America and Europe in support of Bogart's first solo effort, Hairdresser Blues.

One writer at New Times' sister paper LA Weekly called Hairdresser Blues "empowering," writing:

Hairdresser Blues is not a great record. It's a simple record with some nice songs. But if you listen to it in the context of it being an outlet for a very free man who does whatever he wants even though society might not accept him for it, then suddenly it's an important record. It makes the jump from gimmicky to empowering in a microsecond.

Similarly, Bogart's Twitter account is an outlet for a very free man who does and says whatever he wants even though society might not accept him for it.

We've learned a great deal about Bogart via his @HunxandhisPunx Twitter handle, especially over the past year. Ten of our absolute favorite Hunxisms are listed below. Like Bogart, they're unfiltered and unedited, often bizarre but always quirky.

You may be shocked by what you're about to read. You might gag, cry, laugh, or a combination of all three. You won't, however, ever forget Seth Bogart.

 

March 19, 2011: Seth's Vegas Adventure

"Just won BIG in Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus fucked a guy really hard in the bathroom"

The saying goes, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." In Bogart's case, what happens in Vegas stays on Twitter, Google Cache, and the pages of an alt weekly. How big were the winnings? Certainly above average, we're guessing, to satisfy this punk.

May 31, 2011: Seth's Poor Gag Reflexes

"I barfed on my boyfriends [sic] dick last night and I wadnt [sic] even drunk. #dontdrinkcheladasanddeepthroatenormousdicksinphoenixparkinglotz"

Was it his boyfriend's shlong or the fact that he was drinking Cheladas, that disgusting beer/lime juice/tomato juice/sauces/spices/peppers concoction, that drove Bogart to blow chunks; that stuff can make any man puke, with or without a penis in his mouth.

September 6, 2011: Seth Reads Miami New Times

"Someone wrote that I have 'the body of a flat-chested teenage girl'"

As a writer, it's an incredibly gratifying feeling to know that people read your words. Said feeling is even greater when the indie celebrity subject of a blog post quotes you on Twitter. Yes, Seth, you do have the body of a flat-chested teenage girl. You also have "the falsetto of a Phil Spector-produced wet dream."

October 6, 2011: Seth's a Reckless Driver

"I let my Boyfriend smoke in the car if he pulls his pants & underwear down to jos [sic] ankles ... This leads to speeding & hand jobs at 85 mph"

Like Sammy Hagar, Seth can't drive 55, especially when his boyfriend's "enormous dick" is out. Speeding is dangerous. But jerking someone off while doing 85 mph in the fast lane, that's just a typical Thursday in Bogart's world.

October 23, 2011: Seth's Recurring Dream

"Do you ever have the reoccurring [sic] dream that youre [sic] about to eat Madonna's pussy?"

Finally, someone else admits to having this dream. Backstage with Madge on the Blond Ambition Tour circa 1990, playing truth or dare with the backup dancers? Yeah, we get it, Seth.

 

December 8, 2011: Seth's Gross Habits

"TOP 4 Gross Things I like to do: 4. Pull out body hairs & put em in my mouth 3. Pop zits 2. Bite my toenails 1. Smell everything possible"

At least he doesn't fuck his own armpit, right?

March 9, 2011: Seth's Armpit Fetish

"I'd fuck my armpit if I could"

We should've known. After all, Bogart seems like the type of dude who's down for whatever. And who are we to judge? According to Wikipedia, "some consider the armpits to be an erogenous zone.

January 16, 2012: Seth Gets Real

"Sad my grandma is dying. I used to put on toddlers n tiaras style drag shows for her when I was a sexy 5 year old"

Before the Cheladas, 85 mph hand jobs, toenail biting, and armpit fucking, there was an innocent five-year-old boy who dreamt of becoming a pageant queen. And he shared that dream with his grandmother. While you may giggle at the thought of young Seth parading around grandma's house in drag, losing a grandmother is no laughing matter--it sucks.

January 7, 2012: Seth Smells Like a Man

"Having one of those days when I pull down my pants I smell weird stuff"

He may be the "mustachioed queen of 60s-esuqe girl pop," but Seth Bogart is all man. And sometimes, men smell.

January 7, 2012: Seth's Fear of Dying

"I hope this plane doesnt [sic] La Bamba cuz [sic] wonk face guy from Dawson's Creek, Phat Guy from LOST & Liam Neelson [sic[ all up on this bitch"

We're not sure who the "wonk face" from Dawson's Creek or the "phat guy" from Lost are, but losing Liam Neeson on the same day as Seth Bogart would've been a crushing blow. Had Bogart and Neeson died a fiery death that day, January 7 would've gone down in history as the day culture died. Not to mention, April 13 would've been ruined.

Hunx and His Punx. With Natural Child, Pool Party, and Lil Daggers. Friday, April 13 at 9 p.m., Churchill's Pub (5501 NE 2nd Ave, Miami). Tickets cost $8 via Flavos. Call (305) 757-1807.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

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Churchill's Pub

5501 NE 2nd Ave.
Miami, FL 33137

305-757-1807

www.churchillspub.com


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