Holy Ship!! Survival Guide: From Condoms to Shades

Holy Ship!! Survival Guide: From Condoms to Shades
Photo by Ian Witlen

Can you hear that tropical drum? It's just our beat-freaking hearts pounding in feverish excitement for the official embarkation of Hard's Holy Ship!! electronic music cruise.

Like, have you seen the artist and activity schedule? It's going to be three amazing days on the high seas. And when we say high, we mean that you're going to be too effed up to make any sensible decisions all weekend.

So don't take chances. Prepare with Crossfade's handy Holy Ship!! survival guide. That way, when it comes time to sail, you'll be entirely ready to uhntz-uhntz on a boat for 96 straight hours!

See also: Top Ten Dance Moves Aboard Holy Ship!! 2013 in Animated GIF!

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1. Leave the Internet at Home

We're going to be on a 3,000-person boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And the Internet service sucks. So yeah, you could spend money on some kind of transmission device to ruin your vacation by keeping up on useless social media and work emails. Or you could go balls deep into pre-'90s-esque freedom from the web. Don't worry, when we get back to South Florida's shores, you can spend the ride home Instagram-ing everything you did. The online world can wait.

2. Bring a Sharpie and Clear Nail Polish

This goes for guys too. And no, we don't want you to try to do your nails while the boat's a-rockin'. The thing is all these amazing artists are going on this crazy nautical journey with us. At any moment, you might run into a famous DJ. Then you'll have them sign your shoe, your cell phone, or your portable cigarette case. And you're going to have to seal the autograph, pronto. Thus, clear nail polish. You're welcome.

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