Why is Wednesday known all across the world as Hump Day?
Well, the phoney-boloney, PG explanation is that Wednesday's middle-of-the-week placement makes it something like a fleshy protuberance on the back of an animal, perhaps a camel or a church bell-ringing hunchback. You've made your climb through Monday and Tuesday and now it's time to slide down Thursday and Friday to the weekend.
Buncha B.S., no? The real reason for the Hump Day concept is because (due to the drudgeries of both unemployment and, uh, employment) people need a reason to live. You know, like sex.
Keep going, little guy! You're bound to get laid eventually. Just look to these ten songs about humping for inspiration, motivation, and stimulation.
10. Humpty Dumpty: Original Humpsta
When it comes to humping, Crossfade believes you gotta start 'em young.
9. You Can Lead a Guido to Water, But Will He Hump It?
It's about time that the pall-bearers of contemporary intellectual thought (AKA the cast of Jersey Shore) got their own highly humpworthy theme song.
8. Red Hump Chili Peppers
We usually try to keep as far away as possible from the human hackey sacks in RHCP, lest we catch a case of the "fonkee white boy blues." But, uh, this "Hump de Bump" song is the least embarrassing thing we've seen the Peps do since they wore tube socks on their dingles.
7. No Matter What They Say, Ain't Nobody Humpin' Around
Bobby Brown is a liar if he's trying to claim that no matter what anyone says, no one is humping around.
6. Musical Theater and Humping in the 21st Century
Based on Western society's ever-loosening morals, we imagine by the time 2021 rolls around, Broadway musicals will be reduced to nothing but humping. And those shows will sell out, night after night.
5. Humping Impressionism
Hold your computer up to your ear like a seashell and listen to the exact musical notation that constitutes humping.
4. Travis Ain't Humpin Around
You tryin' to tell us somebody actually humps these dudes?
3. My Name Is Humpty, Pronounced With a Humpty
Digital Underground's contributions to the world of humping are unprecedented. That's why it made perfect sense when these dudes filmed themselves getting blowjobs.
2. This Song (With Hump in the Title) Won a Grammy
Remember the anxiety and defeatism of The Great Recession, when Fergie's lady lumps were bestowed the highest honor for a musical artist in America, and Snooki fiddled while Rome was occupied by trash-humping whale-savers?
1. The Most Amazing Song About Humping Ever
Speaking of whales, this song sounds like humping one.
Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.
