Ever rocked so hard that you blacked out, puked last week's hot lunch, and woke up 666 hours later feeling like your skull just got fucked in outer space by a gang of so-called interglactic mutant overlords?
Well, then you've probably never purchased tickets for the disgusting, otherworldy freakshow known as Gwar. But thankfully, we shall all soon enjoy another chance to get impaled by front-thing Oderus Urungus's enormous warty dong.
According to the PR people in the employ of "your lords and masters," Gwar is about to embark on the Fate or Chaos 2012 tour, "wreaking havoc across North America" for 34 days in 34 cities, including Fort Lauderdale on October 20.
As Oderus Urungus proclaims: "Once again GWAR returns, hoof and nail, to our old stomping grounds, North America, on a tour of utter destruction, and this time nothing less than the greatest power in the universe will do as our primary victim!
"That's right, this time GWAR, fresh from our battle with Death [i.e. the passing of guitarist Cory Smoot, AKA Flattus Maximus], takes on another of history's biggest assholes...God himself! Seeing as we don't have the new album done yet, we really had to do something spectacular."
Gwar's Fate or Chaos 2012 Tour Dates
October 12 Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA
October 14 Northern Lights, Clifton Park, NY
October 15 Toad's Place, New Haven, CT
October 16 Music Hall of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY
October 18 The Masquerade, Atlanta, GA
October 19 The Ritz Ybor, Ybor City, FL
October 20 Revolution, Ft. Lauderdale, FL
October 22 Amos' Southend, Charlotte, NC
October 24 House of Blues, New Orleans, LA
October 25 Emo's, Austin, TX
October 26 House of Blues, Dallas, TX
October 27 House of Blues, Houston, TX
October 31 Summit Music Hall, Denver, CO
November 1 Sunshine Theater, Albuquerque, NM
November 2 The Marquee, Tempe, AZ
November 3 The Observatory, Santa Ana, CA
November 4 House of Blues, West Hollywood, CA
November 5 The Catalyst, Santa Cruz, CA
November 6 Ace of Spades, Sacramento, CA
November 8 Knitting Factory, Boise, ID
November 9 Roseland Theater, Portland, OR
November 10 Showbox at the Market, Seattle, WA
November 11 Knitting Factory, Spokane, WA
November 12 Vogue Theater, Vancouver, BC
November 14 Edmonton Events Centre, Edmonton, AB
November 15 MacEwan Hall Ballroom, Calgary, AB
November 16 Odeon Events Centre, Saskatoon, SK
November 17 The Garrick Center, Winnipeg, MB @
November 18 First Avenue, Minneapolis, MN
November 20 The Intersection, Grand Rapids, MI
November 21 The Rave, Milwaukee, WI
November 23 Harpo's, Detroit, MI
November 24 Sound Academy, Toronto, ON
November 26 Mr. Smalls Theater, Millvale, PA
"This tour will also see the arrival of a new Scumdog brother to aid GWAR in our quest to destroy everything that sucks," the font-thing adds. "That's right, I can finally reveal certain details regarding our new album...
"Ever since our missing band mate Flattus Maximus took his leave of Earth, members of the Maximus tribe have been showing up at our Antarctic fortress, not only to pay their respects but also eat all of our food. And also lay tracks on the new album!
"You see, every member of the Maximus family rips on guitar (though Flattus taught them all they know), and they were anxious to help us fill the void left by Flattus. We have been working with his brothers Pustulus, Infecticus, Bubonus and even the shunned Corpulus...and right now they are fighting it out as to which one of them will stay here with the mighty GWAR for the 'FATE OR CHAOS' Tour...and beyond!
Get ready world, this fall shall see the birth of a new Scumdog!"
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Gwar's Fate or Chaos 2012 Tour. With DevilDriver, Cancer Bats and Legacy of Disorder. Saturday, October 20. Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-449-1025 or visit jointherevolution.net.