Normally, if you wanted to spend your Thursday night getting drunk off Cîroc while paying a pretty girl for 10 minutes of therapeutic body contact, we'd give you directions to King of Diamonds, Goldrush, or our ex-girlfriend's apartment.
But tonight, we're gonna suggest you head over to SoBe's Vita by Bâoli where Angel Squads, a self-described "team of trained Massage Angels (read: hot girls in black leggings and white corsets)," will be hosting its launch party.
Now pervs, before you try to negotiate a trip to the champagne room, listen up: These babes are totally legit professionals, so you could offer them a million bucks and they will never ever provide that kind of "massage." In fact, they won't even touch you below the nipples. According to the official press release, all you're gonna get are "10-minute relaxing chill neck, shoulder, and Indian head massages."
Apparently, this combo of clubbing and holistic touching is already a big thing in London, Ibiza, and Hong Kong. But Angel Squads is an entirely local endeavor with offices out on Lincoln Road and a monopoly on the massage biz at nightlife joints like Coco de Ville, Philippe, Rok Bar, SET, Tantra, WALL, Mynt, the Mondrian.
The most important question: What does 10 minutes with an Angel cost? "The service is free to the venue," the press release reads, "and customers are only asked to tip the Angels whatever they feel the massage is worth."
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So technically, it's free. But it's not. 'Cause you really, really, really don't want to be the creepy guy soliciting massages and then refusing payment on the basis of "insufficient relief."
Angel Squads launch party with DJ N'DY. Thursday, February 3. Vita by Bâoli, 1906 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. The massages start at 8 p.m. and end at 10. Visit angelsquads.com.