It's Stoli vodka and it's free at Chalk Ping Pong & Billiards Lounge on South Beach tonight. And yet you still want to know more?
Fine. To relaunch two flavors of vodka, Stolichnaya wants sexy tastemakers like you to show up to Chalk at 9 p.m. tonight and drink yourselves responsibly sloppy.
See the cut for RSVP details, you drunkards.
In addition to complementary Stoli cocktails, there will be a mixology competition using the two new flavors, pitting Miami bartenders against each other. There will also be a ping-pong tournament open the public with prizes from Chalk and Stoli on the line.
"But why," you may be asking, "am I so fortunate to be included in such an event?" Because Stoli has two new flavors to promote and you're the kind of person the liquor giant wants buying its vodka.
Of course, these aren't actually new flavors but reformulations of Pepper (now called "Hot") and Honey & Herb (to be known forevermore as "Sticki").
Sticki? Realli? Er...really? Stolichnaya has helpfully invented cocktails with gross names like "The Sticki Palmer" and the "Hot N' Juicy" which, come on. We can do better, don't you think?
Vote with your rubles, Miami, and maybe Stoli's other flavored vodkas will get new, sexualized but vaguely Soviet-sounding names, too.
Chocolat Razberi --> Hot Karl Marx
White Pomegranik --> Taint Petersburg
Ohranj --> Pere-stroke-ya
Blueberi --> The Mungnik
Razberi --> Cosmo-naughty Schoolgirl
Vanil --> Gulag in the Eye
Citros --> Bread Line Orgy
Cranberi --> Pover-teabag
Peachik --> Breastnev
Strasberi --> Rusty Tromb-Ownership by the State
Gala Applik --> C.C.C. Golden Shower
Wild Cherri --> Big Black Caucasus
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Eh, whatever. It's free vodka.
Just send an e-mail to RSVP@chalkmiami.com and you'll be good to go.
Stoli Hot & Sticki launch. Chalk Ping Pong & Billiards Lounge, 1234 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The event starts at 9 p.m. Call 305-532-8662 or visit chalkmiami.com.