Newsflash! South Beach is a cesspool of Sodom and Gommorrah-style excess!
While most Americans are collecting pennies from public fountains, replacing the ground beef in their Hamburger Helper with cat food, and crapping their pants in fear of the dreaded double-dip recession, SoBe residents (and the superrich jetsetters they schmooze, swindle, and fuck) are scarfing down caviar, slurping cognac from one another's belly buttons, and burning bundles of freshly minted U.S. currency in the VIP room at their favorite nightlife spot.
OK, so we're exaggerating. But today, Bundle.com named four South Beach clubs to its list of the 25 most expensive nightclubs in America.
Explaining his methodology, Bundle editor Mike Dang writes:
To create our list of America's most expensive nightclubs, we dove through our data and looked at average bar tab amounts based on millions of transactions done in nightclubs across the U.S from June 2010 to July 2011. We filtered out places used mainly as event spaces, and then ranked the most nightclubs by average tabs, which include those with wallets big enough to order bottle service, and clubgoers who order single drinks at the bar.
Now considering SoBe's coke-addled history, reputation for notoriously debauched clubland behavior, and the fact that it's constantly crawling with wasted supermodels, totally blitzed billionaire rappers, drunken pro football players, ripped real-estate heirs, and gin-soaked Ponzi schemers, we here at Crossfade are not surprised in any way whatsoever that the Beach ranks high on Bundle's excess index.
South Beach Clubs on Bundle.com's "The Most Expensive Nightclubs in America " List
5. Dream Nightclub, Miami Beach. Average bar tab $306.
7. Club Play, Miami Beach. Average bar tab $304.
18. Mokai Lounge, Miami Beach. Average bar tab $194.
19. Set Nightclub, Miami Beach. Average bar tab $182.
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Another non-surprise: As illustrated by Bundle's pretty pyramid-of-pissy-champagne infographic, SoBe's only real competition in the art of scarfing caviar, slurping cognac, and burning bundles of freshly minted U.S. currency are -- newsflash! -- New York City and Las Vegas, AKA Sodom and Gommorrah.