Five Steps to Becoming a Bona Fide Tiësto Fan
Even if you can't tell house from techno and you've never even been to a rave, you know Tiësto. That's because he is the everyman's EDM disc jockey. He's the DJ that your mom plays on her iPod when she goes out jogging. He's a household name.
But that doesn't mean he's readily accessible to the masses. As with any form of idolatry, whether it be for Jesus or L. Ron Hubbard, there are certain guidelines to becoming a bona fide believer. And with Tiësto alighting at LIV, we thought we'd offer you a few simple rules to becoming a proper fan.
5. Designer Wear
Tiësto is renowned for his high fashion sense, and glamorous promo photos that blur the line between DJ and GQ model. You won't catch him wearing the sweaty thrift store tees that your average DJ sports behind the decks. For Tiësto, it's chic button-up shirts and sport coats all the way. The kind of stuff you'd be afraid to wear to the dinner table, let alone a rave. And somehow, his clothing style is a lot like his music ... Glossy, flamboyant, ostentatious, and afraid of getting itself dirty. If you wanna be a Tiësto fan, it's time to go shopping!
2. Hair Gel
With Jersey Shore guido types making up the majority of Tiësto's American fans -- not to mention his own penchant for heavily gelled hair -- you better get working on that blowout!
For decades, MDMA (street name ecstasy) has been ubiquitous in electronic dance music and rave culture because of its psychedelic, euphoric effects, providing a heightened subjective appreciation for repetitive hypnotic beats. So it can make anything sound a lot better than it actually is, including your washing machine and Tiësto's ridiculously over-the-top cheesy trance anthems. You'll need lots of MDMA if you want to become a Tiësto convert overnight.
If you're gonna be up all night partying to Tiësto on MDMA, then glowsticks should probably be part of the combo. You're already two-thirds of the way to becoming a rave cliché, why not go all the way?
With tickets for Tiësto's show at LIV tonight starting at a whopping $350 a pop and table reservations going for several thousand dollars, it's clear that you'll need lots of hard currency to be a Tiësto fan. Personally, we wouldn't even pay $350 to see the original Beatles lineup perform their greatest hits, let alone some Euro-douche in an Armani Exchange shirt spinning lame records. But hey, obviously homeboy has a market if he keeps selling out shows, so more power to him.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.