When you're drunk off your ass on rubyfruit jungle juice and dancing like a fly girl (or guy) in a too-tight thong, the world is a better place. And that's one reason you should hit up tonight's TBD dance party at Bar.
Another reason: When the DJ throws on one of those taboo tracks that you're not supposed to enjoy (or fucking love), no one will judge you for stripping down, rubbing up on a stranger, and sweating too much.
Now see the cut for five songs generally considered crappy that are actually amazing in a totally non-ironic way!
5. Waxamillion's "No Panties on the Dancefloor"
Yeah, Waxamillion's beats sound as if they were programmed by a blind baby with a Casio keyboard. But forget the amateurish production ... This song (and video) is totally irresistible. There's a disembodied male voice demanding, "Pull them panties off on the dance floor!" To which both bootylicious black girls and thin-lipped whiteys reply, "I ain't got no panties on!" Can you spell P-A-R-T-A-Y?
4. Doobie Brothers' "Takin' It to the Streets"
Unlike Waxamillion, the Doobie Brothers' Michael McDonald won't insist your remove your underwear. Right now. In public. Nope, Mikey is a gentleman. He enjoys a challenge. And that's why he's gonna sing your fucking panties off. A little later. In his private party room.
3. KLF's "3 a.m. Eternal"
This song is the soundtrack to a future that should've happened a decade ago. But, um, didn't. There's a little bit of acid house, a little bit of ethereal Enya-style singing, and a little bit of rappity-rap courtesy of Ricardo da Force. And all that adds up to ... Crappy-slash-amazing!
2. Pet Shop Boys' "Always On My Mind"
If you love silent film, tuxedos, aerobics on the beach, guys in gold lame suits with fabulous fringe, fashion photography, homeless b-boys, zebras (and zebramen!), ventriloquist dummies, and really fucking long car rides through the fog ... Then you'll love the Pet Shop Boys' "Always On My Mind."
1. Trina's "Da Baddest Bitch"
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She's tiny. But Ms. Katrina Laverne Taylor is a tough chick. And that means: It don't even matter if you're a 300-pound defensive tackle in the National Football League. Fuck with Trina. And she will beat your ass. Plus ... Like we already mentioned, it ain't a non-ironic Thursday night dance party without Da Baddest Bitch.
TBD, A Non-Ironic Dance Party. Thursday, April 7. Bar, 28 NE 14th St., Miami. The party starts at 10:30 p.m. and it's free. Call 305-633-9345 or visit 28ne14st.com.