With mindless drivers who must've bribed the DMV to get a Class E license, con artists who make a living by stealing children's Social Security numbers, and comedians who run for public office, Miami is far, far, far from utopia.
But the music's pretty good. And in many ways, the Magic City is even the party people's paradise, luring blues legends, rock supergroups, Latin funk stars, future soul divas, and big ballers to our sandy shores on a weekly basis.
Go ahead, see for yourself. Here are the five best gigs to check out in Miami.
See also: New Times' Concert Calendar
Buddy Guy. With Johnny Lang. Presented by Live at Knight. Thursday, November 21, 8 p.m., Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $39 to $99 plus fees via arshtcenter.org. All ages. Buddy Guy's had the blues "from [his] head down to [his] shoes" ever since he laid his hands on a six-string for the first time. Little did he know that his Stone Crazy ways would make him one of Rolling Stone's "100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time" and a key influence in the musical careers of Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and other axe champs. Long live the Blues Master.
Eagles. With JD and the Straight Shot. Friday, November 22, 8 p.m., American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets cost $51.75 to $179.75 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. All ages. Who would have thought that a group of long-haired and 'fro'd dudes in pursuit of the American Dream would survive the 1970s, and still be touring in the 2010s? The Eagles guys soared high during their glory days, and they still rank among the most successful American bands ever, with over 100 million albums sold in the U.S. alone. Not too shabby for a bunch of "Desperado[es]."
ChocQuibTown. As part of Fiesta Loca. With Locos Por Juana and Mr. Pauer. Saturday, November 23, 9 p.m., The Stage, 170 NE 38th St., Miami; 305-576-9577; thestagemiami.com. Tickets cost $15 plus fees via completeticketsolutions.com. Ages 21 and up. With ChocQuibTown's Latin Grammy-winning Afro-Colombian hip-hop beats, Locos Por Juana's bilingual jams, and Mr. Pauer's electronica-infused Latin vibes, it's surely gonna be una tremenda Fiesta Loca. So raise your hands "Hasta el Techo" and get ready for some all-night ass shaking.
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Janelle Monáe's Electric Lady Tour. With Roman GianArthur. Saturday, November 23, 8 p.m., Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7300; fillmoremb.com. Tickets cost $33.50 to $48.50 plus fees via livenation.com. The world may one day face a partypocalypse, but if that means "dancing till the end" to the funkadelic beats of the "Q.U.E.E.N.," Janelle Monáe herself, it probably won't be so bad after all.
Rick Ross. Mastermind Tour with 1500 or Nothin'. Saturday, November 23, 8 p.m., James L. Knight Center, 400 SE Second Ave., Miami; 305-372-4634; jlkc.com. Tickets cost $39.50-$69.50 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. The Bawse ain't 'bout playing "no games with these bitches." He's the Mastermind, he "[runs] the game." So "bow down to the biggest" while he keeps "counting all that paper."