Fashion Freakouts at Lady Gaga's Miami Monster Ball
Lady Gaga doesn't dress like the rest of us.
For example, sometimes you're putting on a polo and you look down and think, I look like a douche, so you replace it with a Sonic Youth t-shirt. Or you put on shorts and then realize your ass cheeks are partially exposed. It dawns on you that maybe you're showing too much, so put on tights under the booty shorts.
But Gaga never has these moments. Rather, she slips into slabs of beef or stuffed Kermits and thinks, Something's missing... And the best thing about going to a Lady Gaga show is that her groupies also take this wacko approach to fashion. So let us now take a gander at the craziest getups spotted this Wednesday at the American Airlines Arena.
Listen, world, facepaint isn't just for children at the county fair. It's, like, for adults too. Thanks to Gaga's skeletor face in her "Born This Way" video, this trend has emerged at her shows. Here, these guys look pretty good. The chick's demonstrating the half-face technique, which is what you do when you don't want to look entirely like a painted buffoon. You just wanna let the world know that you are cute under this makeup. You know ... Part dead person, part pretty.
Holy crikey, does this woman not look actually like Mother Monster or what?! It's like Gaga slipped outside into the sunlight for a moment. And the outfit that this little monster's sporting is almost identical to what the troupe of dancers wore in the second encore. This is what one might call "Roman-modern-dancer chic." Claw away look-alike!
As we noted before, Snooki and Gaga are a little similar. They're both guidettes! This little Gaga-alike could also kind of be a Snooki-alike, no? She's cute and working it, but you see it. We really hope her friend in the back is wearing a wig, because that hair is intense!
OK. We're pretty sure Jesus isn't psyched about these undies. Yes, the world has already seen crotch cross. But the religious vagina thing is definitely not "classy." These are not to be worn around grandma.
Now, you want daring? This dude is daring. He's wearing, like, six-inch stripper heels. And he's a big teenaged boy! Maybe he's got a little of the Kate Gosselin haircut going on. But the blue lipstick is fab and you'd be hard pressed to find a woman who can actually walk in those crazy bitches. This guy is our personal hero ... Wurk. It.
Hmm .... You ever take a picture and, like, totally not know what to say about it later? This is that picture. Grrrowl.
The best thing about dressing up all crazy for a concert is that everyone wants to take a picture with your wacko ass. It's like you're famous. But you're not. Here, the lady on the left has the neatest wig ever. It had a life of its own, and a true Mother Monster shape. Also, it's possible the Gaga on the right is the actual mother of the Gaga on the left. Lady Gaga giving birth to herself! Yes, that's something we'd pay to see, live and in concert!
It's hard to criticize anyone who has the cojones to leave the house in this ensemble. She is an evil flying nun in ballerina lingerie with censored nipples. We like her backup dancer on the right there. The best accessory ever is a skinny yet muscley man, even if he's wearing high socks, a hipster-stache, and a rasta cap. Meow to wiry musclemen backup dancers!
This, friends, is how you do a wholesome Gaga fan. He's got a little facepaint, a modest amount of flare, and an intact t-shirt. Sure, dressing like a star is fun. But dressing like yourself is truly the best and most honest thing to do. This kid's kind of taking Gaga' style and turning it into his own. We love it.
Keep it real, lil monsters. Real kooky.
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