Thanks to the sudden, nasty breakup between Winter Music Conference and Ultra Music Festival, the month of March in Miami just might kill us all.
Basically, the party plan has gone from a five-day freakout to an insanely unhealthy four-week marathon. And the only way you might survive to see April is if you've either spent the last 28 days hibernating in a carefully calibrated hyperbaric chamber or you've got a massive personal stockpile of industrial-grade speed.
In any case, it all starts now. And here are eight early party picks. If you've got a death wish, though, see New Times' full Winter Music Conference 2011 listings.
Bare and Somejerk. With Somejerk, Goodroid, and Batstep. 9 p.m., Friday, March 4, at Eve, 1306 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-995-5050; miamieve.com. Tickets cost $10 via wantickets.com. Have you ever wanted to star in a porno version of Blade Runner? Well, if we were going to produce such a thing, we'd cast you opposite Rocco Siffredi in the role of "Dick Peckard," hire brutal Los Angeles dubstepper Bare to produce the soundtrack, and then shoot it in the underbelly of Eve. Is that what's happening this Friday?
Sydney Blu. With Louis Puig. 10 p.m., Saturday, March 5, at Space, 34 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-375-0001; clubspace.com. Tickets cost $20 to $30 via wantickets.com. There are a dozen reasons why you'll want to be there when ex-Toronto, now-Miami electro-house killer Ms. Sydney Blu invades Space's downtown party headquarters. But we're only gonna list three: (1) She's hot; (2) She spins hotter; and (3) She'll be getting backup from the bossman himself, Louis Puig.
Work! We Party Miami. With Carlos Gallardo and Micky Friedmann. 10 p.m., Sunday, March 6, at Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-1525; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $30 via wantickets.com. Typically, when New Times decides to party, we'd rather not call it work. But in the case of this Sunday's pre-WMC bash at Mansion, we're totally OK with it. Why? 'Cause there's an exclamation point. Plus, we're talking about a throwdown that's hyping itself as "Spain's hottest party" and the "number one gay party in the world." It sure as hell doesn't sound like unpaid overtime.
Sasha. 11 p.m., Sunday, March 6, at SET, 320 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 305-531-2800; setmiami.com. Tickets cost $30 via wantickets.com. Back in 2004, almost anybody with an MP3 collection and a libido spent the summer dancing and dry-humping to Sasha's hyperactive remix of Felix Da Housecat's "Watching Cars Go By." If, however, you don't share that kind of intimate history with the Welshman, it's never too late. Pay the $30, pick a partner, and ask Mixmag's eighth greatest DJ of all time to toss on some sex music.
Def Mix. With Frankie Knuckles, David Morales, and Hector Romero. 10 p.m., Tuesday, March 8, at the Vagabond, 30 NE 14th St., Miami; 305-379-0508; thevagabondmiami.com. Tickets cost $10 via wantickets.com. Doesn't "Frankie Knuckles from Chicago" sound like a guy who gets paid to break faces? He's not. And actually, Mr. Knuckles is a really nice guy (and total old-school house legend) who's helping to kick off a week's worth of WMC wildness at the Vagabond. It'll be a good time. No skull fractures, we promise.
We Live Here. With Spinnzinn, Deviceratt, Sexy House Lab, and Sanedrachunter. 8 p.m., Tuesday, March 8, at the Awarehouse, 550 NW 29th St., Miami; 305-576-4004; acustronic.com. Tickets cost $20 to $60 via wantickets.com. Since so much of WMC is all about the "international electronic dance music superstars," why not spend Tuesday night at the Awarehouse with four Miami-based beat-mongers? What else were you gonna do? Your overdue taxes? The laundry? Uh, hello ... There's a freaking house party going on over here.
Go Big. With Junior Sanchez, King Britt, Mark Farina, WMC founder Bill Kelly, and 40-plus other DJs. 10 p.m., Wednesday, March 9, at Mekka, 950 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-371-3773; mekkamiami.com. Tickets cost $20 to $60 via wantickets.com. The origins of the modern maxim, "Go big or go home," are kinda blurry. But the party people over at D.B.A. Events are seizing claim to the phrase by blasting Mekka with 85 hours of house and techno in a single night. How is that even possible? You just book 40-plus DJs, split them between three rooms, and watch it all blow up.
House You. With DJ Spinna, Ultra Naté, Ralf Gum, Claude Monnet, and 14 others. 10 p.m., Wednesday, March 9, at the Clevelander Hotel, 1020 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach; 305-532-4006; clevelander.com. Tickets cost $20 via wantickets.com. By the end of Wednesday night, it might be time to break out that aforementioned cache of amphetamines. But if you'd rather ride a high without the risk of such adverse side-effects as diarrhea, slurred speech, and crazy eyes, we suggest you hit up House You at the Clevelander. Nothing cures chronic fatigue like some deep hip-hop and a heavy dose of Ultra Naté.
Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.
