EDM: Five Most Annoying Buzzwords
Photo by Ian Witlen
Whether you like it or not, dance music runs the world and therefore the cultural lexicon. We're going to go ahead and say that's a bad thing.
Our hashtag-driven, buzz-worthy reality is giving us a headache, mostly because you dancing assholes can't stop saying the same shit over and over again. You're like a bad DJ, repeating the hits ad nauseum until it all melts together into a giant, mediocre mess.
You know how you can say a word, like, seven times before it sounds funny to you and loses meaning entirely? The same rule applies for these five dance music terms.
Dance music is nothing new. It's been around forever, more specifically in electronic form since the 1970s. However, young Americans seem to think it was invented the day after Britney Spears shaved her head. After a mad scramble to identify this shiny, out-of-the-box new toy, some fucking dick labeled the whole thing "Electronic Dance Music." This accomplished two things; the invention of the most vague and useless genre-name of all time, and the beginning of the end. Ever since, mindless hoards have invaded dance floors and festivals nationwide in search of something they don't understand and refuse to actually respect. "EDM" means never thinking twice about what you're listening to, and never caring as long as it "bangs."
Speaking of "bangers," soon after "EDM" came the endless quest for the "drop." Instead of celebrating musicality, originality, experimentation or artistic expression, listeners boiled down the entire dance music experience into two parts: a build and a drop. If the build isn't big enough, the drop loses meaning. If the drop doesn't come, because some artist has a developed understanding of mood and dynamics, then all hell breaks loose and idiots demand a refund. This term has gotten so obnoxious and unavoidable, some blogs don't even call them "tracks" anymore, just "new drops." Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This used to mean something, but now it's almost as umbrella as "EDM" itself. It's supposed to mean movement and growth, building on something. Now, it just means everything, apparently. Check out the Wikipedia list of "progressive house" DJs, and you'll find everything from Bingo Players to Above and Beyond, Digitalism to Dada Life, Orbital and, of course, the late Swedish House Mafia. If you handed us a pen and told us to draw a conclusion, we'd only have a question mark on our foreheads.
Look. Peace, love, unity and respect are amazing. We should all try to live with these concepts in our hearts, minds, words and actions. Also, not all PLURies are hypocrites. That being said, if law enforcement wanted to list "PLUR" as a drug pseudonym, we don't think they'd be too far off the mark. When was the last time you heard someone throw this around who hadn't met Molly first? And real-talk, we've seen a lot of people flash this around like a badge who in their day-to-day life may be a real sheisty motherfucker. If the love wears off with the drugs, then your words are as shallow as a Steve Aoki concert. And don't forget kandi kids, respect for yourself must come first.
First of all, it's a powder. There can't be a plural, because you can't take just one grain of molly. Like, you could, but wtf is that? If we hear you say "mollies," we'll expect to find you on the floor foaming later, because you're obviously ignorant and on a path to destruction. Second of all, when did drugs surpass the music? Can't we ever go to a show and stay sober? Or hell, just drink something? All these flashing lights are there for the drugged-up masses, but we miss the days when clubs were dark and people danced with each other, instead of just facing the booth slack-jawed and wide-eyed.
Is it too late to go back?
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