Holy shit! Drake is another year older today. So no longer can we say he's "25 sitting on 25 mil."
Although, if his lyrical content is any indication, he's already stacked enough paper to match his new age and then some.
Like, seriously, this guy is the king of self-hatred-meets-braggadocio. At any moment, Drake could be about to cry or just fuck the pain away. That's why he gets so damn faded and buys so many fancy cars. This is #YOLOlyfe, bitch.
Now in honor of the 26th b-day of the man who claims to be the "Greatest Ever," let's look at some of his top 26 lyrical moments and see if we can't learn a trick or two.
"There I go, magic trickin' on yo ass/Throwing every president except for Nixon on your ass" -From Waka Flacka's "Round of Applause."
Drake, if you really had magic money, you would pull a Nixon out of your ass.
"Getting paid, well holla whenever that stop/My team good, we don't really need a mascot." -From "The Motto."
Well, what do you call Nicki Minaj?
"What have I learned since getting richer/I've learned working with the negatives can make for better pictures/I learned Hennessy and enemies is one hell of a mixture/Even though it's fucked up, girl, I'm still fucking wit ya." -From "HYFR."
Is this before or after Drake started sticking it to Rihanna?
"I think I'm addicted to naked pictures/And sittin talkin' bout bitches that we almost had/I don't think I'm conscious of making monsters/Outta the women I sponsor till it all goes bad" -From "Marvin's Room."
Drake, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Stop trickin'.
"Shout out to all my niggas living tax free/Nowadays, it's six figures when they tax me" -From "Over My Dead Body."
If Drake can pay his taxes, so can the one percent.
"I might be too strung out on compliments/Overdose on confidence/Started not to give a fuck and stop fearing the consequence/Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments/Faded way too long I'm floating in and out of consciousness" -From "Headlines."
Being Drake's brain cells is probably overrated.
"It's like why I gotta be all that but still I can't deny the fact that it's true." -From "Headlines."
Humility is overrated, too.
"I guess we'll never know what Harvard gets us." -From "Crew Love."
Drake, don't be hard on yourself. You just graduated high school!
"I swear it's been two years since somebody ask me who I was." -From "Underground Kings."
You must be glad you no longer have to tell them your name is Aubrey.
"She said, 'You're such a dog'/I said, 'You're such a bone.'" -From "We'll Be Fine."
You're so punny, Drizzy.
"I'm a descendant of either Marley or Hendrix/I haven't figured it out cause my story is far from finished." -From "Lord Knows."
Spoiler Alert: Both stories have unhappy endings.
"A lot of you all still sounding like last year/The game needs change and I'm the motherfuckin' cashier." -From "Successful."
Drake, your register is short. Are you pocketing pennies?
"I hear my phone ringing when you call/I ain't picking up an' entertaining them at all/Got your girl face down banging on the wall/While you and all your homeboys hang at Lenox Mall." -From "I Get Paper."
He down with O.P.P.
"Someone please tell me the problem with my competition/I ask, 'What's up?' and they just say, 'The cost of living.'" -From "Purple Flowers."
The rent is too damn high, bro.
"Lookin' down from the top and it's crowded below/My fifteen minutes started an hour ago." -From "Fireworks."
Does this mean, Drake is running on borrowed time?
"I'm just such a gentleman/You should give it up for me/Look at how I'm placing all my napkins and my cutlery." -From "Fireworks."
Momma always said take your panties off for a man who knows how to spoon.
"World Series attitude, champagne bottle life/Nothing ever changes, so tonight is like tomorrow night /I will have a model wife, your bitch is as hot as ice/Every time you see me I look like I hit the lotto twice." -From "Miss Me."
Sounds like Drake is having the best Groundhog Day of all time.
"And Drake just stand for Do Right And Kill Everything." -From "Miss Me."
Wait, we're getting a mixed message.
"I guess a hit doesn't add up to a career for you nigga/I must have been hard to watch/What a year for you niggas." -From "Thank Me Now."
Nani-nani-boo-boo, stick your head in doo doo.
"And I feel like lately I went from top five to remaining five/ My favorite rappers either lost it or they ain't alive." -From "Dreams Money Can Buy."
Dayum, five-star burn.
"First off, you know what it is if you heard Drake/Making hoes wobble like a bridge in an earth quake/Never see me out 'cause I live in my work place/I give you the business so button up your shirt straight." -From "I'm Goin In."
We know, your office is your tour bus.
"I know way too many people here right now that I didn't know last year / Who the fuck are y'all?" -From "Over."
If you don't know who they are, then they probably aren't your real friends.
"'Bout to go Thriller Mike Jackson on these niggas/All I need is a fucking red jacket with some zippers/Super good smidoke, a package of the Swishas/It happened overnight, it couldn't happen any quicker." -From "Over."
Well, to be fair, you were already kinda famous for being in Degrassi for, like, five years.
"I'm headed wherever this motherfucking jet is routed/You can't have my heart, the doctor told me I'd be dead without it." -From "Do It All."
We don't love dem hoes.
"If cash is beautiful, then money is attraction/Then I should be a motherfuckin' centerfold of Maxim." -From "Greatness."
Please, be our guest, get naked for us.
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"I'm about being single, seeing double, making triple." -From French Montana's "Pop That."
Um, call us?