Pitchfork just declared "I'm On One"-- DJ Khaled's melancholy baller anthem featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Rick Ross -- one of the ten best tracks of 2011.
That's fine. But how could they not mention the video? As Miamians, when we watched this vid, we felt as if our very soul was being addressed.
Here are our five reasons why "I'm On One" had the most Miami-tastic video of 2011. That's right: It was this year's "I'm on a Boat."
5. Drake's Glum Downtown Condo Party (0:13 to 0:54)
That is the saddest housewarming party we've ever seen. It looks like all attendees were just informed that skinny jeans are no longer in style. One of the party-goers is standing there with a towel over his face, the furniture's still in plastic, and everything's boxed up. Clearly, Drake is meditating on Miami's great condo crash.
4. Khaled's Deep Love of Four Loko (0:56)
Some people like a nice aerated glass of Cabernet when leaning over a balcony and contemplating the extent to which they are THE BEST! But Khaled prefers Four Loko. That's what we like to call Miami Classy.
3. Rick Ross's Fat Geisha Outfit (1:40)
Look at Ricky's apparel there. A red, embossed silk jacket framing a huge, tattooed gut. Is there any other city where that would be considered an appopriate outfit? You think he could walk into a Morton's in Minneapolis looking like that? But here he could stroll right into The Forge and the maître d' would be like, "Sir, may I take your jacket?"
2. Holy Shit, Is DJ Khaled on the Metromover? (2:48)
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Of course Khaled boarded the one Metromover car containing two hot women who want to jump his bones. Sure, he is THE BEST! But we feel it's our responsibility to throw in a PSA here ... Kids, do not try to find love on the Metromover. You'll end up with an itchy pubic region and out twenty bucks.
1. Khaled's Elbow Patches (4:16)
We may be a pretty vapid city, but that doesn't stop the globe's finest cultural minds from flocking to the Magic City three times a year. Khaled's professorial patches represent Art Basel, the Miami Book Fair, and O, Miami.