A strange and highly mutated (or some would say evolved) breed of great apes emerged approximately 200,000 years ago on the African continent. These creatures had huge brains. They were physically weak, slow, and basically hairless. And yet they strutted around the jungle like hot shit on two legs.
Blessed with the ability to vocalize and the capacity to develop complex linguistic systems, these freaks of nature began to speak, a talent they liked to show off now and again with what we might now call a party, i.e. enormous raging fires, naked dancing, and lots of rhythmic, grunt-like wordplay set to the bang of primitive bongos.
Obviously, we're talking about the Human Race, AKA homo sapiens. And the finest specimen that this species has ever produced was born only 38 years ago in Oakland, California. His birth certificate reads Teren Delvon Jones. But the world knows him better as Del the Funky Homosapien, a West Coast rapper, cousin of Ice Cube, and occasional Gorillaz collaborator.
His brain is bigger. He's stronger, faster, and wears finer fur than all other human beings. He struts with superior style. And his language skills are so freaking advanced that it makes the rest of Mankind seem like we just walked out of the Stone Age.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
In other words, Del isn't just a funky dude. He's a superhomosapien.
Del the Funky Homosapien. Friday, May 13. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. The show starts at 9 p.m. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.