Unless you've been holed up in a $1 million dollar compound without phone, internet, or cable service, you've heard the news ... Osama bin Laden is dead.
Yesterday, the mass-murdering founder of Al Qaeda, Most Wanted Man in the Universe, facial-hair aficionado, evil millionaire, and general asshole was shot through the eye and killed during a firefight with US military and CIA in Abbottabad, Pakistan.
Undoubtedly, as President Obama said: "The death of Bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's effort to defeat Al Qaeda." And it demands a gigantic fucking party.
But while we could always gather outside the White House to sing "The Star Spangled Banner" a couple hundred times, here's a better idea ... Let's mark Osama's demise by toasting some Cristal and making it rain at Miami's best strip club, King of Diamonds.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
See the cut for KOD's official Death of Osama Bin Laden Celebration Party flyer, featuring the bearded one flanked by a pair of half-naked non-virgins.