"Open up your thighs, and look inside for a deep surprise."
On any given night, hearing those words broadcast over the loud speaker of a club might be the cue to either get the fuck out or grab up your lose dollars and make it thunderstorm. But Sunday, November 10, at The Garret at Grand Central was far from any given night.
On this particular eve, ballroom culture lived - like, really fabulously lived in Miami. Catwalk: A Night of Vogue With Mike Q and Friends was a glimpse into the budding South Florida ballroom community, and we're hoping it was the first of many.
See also: Downtown Miami's Five Best Dance Clubs
Honestly, we didn't know what to expect when heading out to The Garrett just after 11 p.m., but we couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised. The room filled slowly with well-dressed dancers, minglers, drinkers, and all manner of night-loving felines. Competing hopefuls warmed up with some playful head-to-head practice, teasing one another, but never giving away all their moves.
Mike Q kept the beats bumpin' until around midnight when the fiery MC announced it was time to clear the fucking runway. (We say "fucking runway" because you've got to take tone with a bitch if you want to get something done and done right.) One thing we learned about catwalks, drunk people love to creep in on the space. Please, don't be that person.
The prize was $200, but more than the money, the goal was to turn up and turn out.
When a good bit of runway was cleared and the lighting situation was satisfactory, the models gathered at the back and readied their bodies. Round one was solo vogue, up and down the dance floor with as much raunchy attitude as possible. Limbs were flying, bodies were dropping, it was fierce.
Round two pitted competitor against competitor in vogue matches to the death. Dancers bounced and werked around each other to garner favor from the judges. Bitches were definitely crawling between each other's legs. You should have been there.
Round three was time for catwalking, although some people could learn the difference between a walk and a vogue. Catwalk is not the time to turn it out. The judges want to see good face. The MC had to wrangle a few loose cows from time to time, and it was around this point of the night that every intoxicated onlooker wanted to have their turn in the spotlight. It got a little messy, but the fun was being had.
We're not really sure who won. (OK, we were kind of drunk too.) But there were a few competitors who really shone above the rest. We're sure someone walked away with the $200, but we just walked away hoping the rumor that Catwalk Vogue Night is a new monthly wasn't just talk. Because Miami can use a night dedicated to culture and dancing, and it's made even better by the fact that these people actually know how to "fuck it up, fuck it up."
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Until next time, Miami, you better werk.
Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.