The Bruise Cruise sets sail from the Port of Miami on Friday. And while there's plenty of dope coming through Dodge Island, y'all better think twice about sneaking some out; narcs like to prey on unsuspecting travelers, especially theme cruise passengers.
In January, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents partnered with the U.S. Marshall Service, DEA, and Broward Sheriff's Office to raid the MSC Poesia before it left Port Everglades for the hippie-friendly 2011 Jam Fest cruise. The unannounced visit resulted in 15 seizures of small amounts of weed, hash, 'shrooms, acid, some prescription pills, and drug paraphernalia--otherwise known as "the kind of shit you find at any music festival."
But the January 4 raid also shed light on a disturbing reality. The longtime law enforcement tradition of profiling has reached an all-time low, the high seas.
The hippies + jam rock = narcotics stereotype lead police to a couple of dime bags and a pipe or two that were presumably worth less on the streets than the cost of the sting operation itself. Nonetheless, it ruined the trip for everyone that had to suffer through jam rock sets sans psychedelics. As for Bruise Cruisers, the idea of a similar raid isn't too far fetched.
Think about it, have you ever been to a Jacuzzi Boys show that didn't smell like Cheech and Chong's van? What about Surfer Blood? Those guys love toking so much, they even tweeted a picture illustrating how weed's greater than the music industry. That type of shit is gnarly. But it's also worrying. Is anyone else afraid a K-9 team and surprise raid's gonna kill the sweet vacation vibes minutes before the Carnival Imagination leaves port?
Our suggestion: Get stoney bologna with us at the pre-party on Thursday rather than smuggling contraband onto the ship. It's safer, and you can always find someone selling cheap schwag in Nassau, Bahamas, when the ship stops there on Saturday. Forgeo the lame souvenir t-shirt you promised your friends back home, and treat yourself to a sack of Bahamian bud instead.
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Bruise Cruise with master of ceremonies Ian Svenonius and the Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Surfer Blood, Strange Boys, Thee Oh Sees, Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Ty Segall, Turbo Fruits, DJ Mr. Jonathan Toubin, and Jacuzzi Boys. Friday, February 25, to Monday, February 28. Carnival Imagination, boarding at the Port of Miami, 1015 N. America Way, Miami. SOLD OUT. Visit bruisecruisefestival.com.
Bruise Cruise Kickoff Party with the Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Surfer Blood, Strange Boys, Thee Oh Sees, Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Ty Segall, Turbo Fruits, and Jacuzzi Boys. Thursday, February 24. Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami. The party starts at 6 p.m. and tickets cost $20 via wantickets.com. Ages 18 and up. Visit bruisecruisefestival.com.