Britney Spears: Why It's Time to Retire
We want to remember Britney like this.
Yes, Britney Spears is considering retirement after the completion of her upcoming Las Vegas residency.
The show begins in early 2014 and it's slated for a two-year run, which means we may only have a couple of years left to get our "Britney Bitch" on.
And you know what? That's OK. We here at Crossfade believe it's actually the right time for Britney to bow out.
Sure, gay friends, you're crushed. But hear us out.
The Spears retirement rumor stems from a recent interview with Britain's Daily Star, in which the pop star is quoted as saying, "I might retire, who knows? I may have two more kids and get married."
The woman that we know as Britney Spears is really just lil ol' Britney Jean. She's been a slave to the music industry since she was but a wee young thing. Over the years, we've watched her grow up, show up, and freak out. She just released her eighth studio album, which is way more than most pop stars enjoyed before she basically invented the formula for long-term success. (No disrespect to Madonna. That's just different.)
We feel for the little sweet thang from Louisiana, and it's our belief that Spears deserves to settle down. Did you hear her say "more" kids? She already has two, and they're not getting any younger. It's certainly not selfish for Britney to take some time off from pop powerhousing and focus a bit more on motherly duties, especially if she plans to grow her family. We remember 2007. Child rearing in the spotlight is clearly not Ms. Spears' forte.
This is the perfect moment for Spears to take a break. She's 32, which isn't really "old," but even still, she can't compete with the young, twerking turkeys out there. The 30s is the time a pop star shows the world she can mature, she can be sophisticated. It's not the time to aggressively prove that you've still got sex appeal.
Besides, her new album isn't doing so hot on the charts.
On the plus side, though, Britney is looking better than she has in years. If she quit a couple years ago, we'd think of her as cheap and bloated (even though she was way not fat). If this is the last we see of her for a while, she will do nothing but leave a lovely memory in her wake. A tabloid pic of the glowing motherly figure from time to time will only reinforce that she has graduated from flighty pop tart to beautiful, everlasting scene queen.
And it's not over yet! Brit still has two years of Vegas glitz and glamour to offer us. She should be proud of the achievement, because Sin City is a big freakin' bankable deal. And in a sense, isn't it the retirement field for aging pop stars anyway?
She can give us two big years of boom, then blow us some kisses in a shimmering gown, and hang back, coming out to fill seats at the Grammys and offer sage advice to the younger, messier generation.
Yes, Britney, this is how you do it. Maintain your respectability and secure your legacy with this well-timed adieu. You will never truly leave us behind, but float on into the Hollywood ether as an example of doing it right.
And y'know, "retirement" is never a real thing in this biz. A nice, long rest will just give you more of a chance to prepare for a fabulous comeback as the fiercest bitch that side of 40. Think about it.
Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.
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