As much as we love to brag about how sexy and posh we are, truth is, not everyone in the Magic City is VIP.
But we all, however, have that one überly popular friend who gets invited to every single bash in the 305, which comes in pretty handy during Art Basel... Especially with all these exclusive parties you're not invited to.
So if you wanna party like a D-list celebrity for the night, you better start kissing ass to that buddy of yours. If you try hard enough, chances are your name will magically appear on the guest list.
See also: Basel 2014's Ten Best Parties
Photo by Lex Hernandez
Le Baron's Art Basel Miami Beach Pop-Up. Wednesday to Sunday, December 3 to 7, 11 p.m. FDR at the Delano, 1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-924-4071; delano-hotel.com. Access limited to VIPs and invited guests. Visit lebaronparis.tumblr.com. Ages 21 and up. In a recent interview with New Times, André Saraiva, co-founder of the exclusive Parisian club, Le Baron, said, "I make a place for the artists I like and people who create. They are the people who get in and make Baron their home. Then the rest can come, of course. I'm not looking for the normal VIP. That's not what I'm interested in." Now, Saraiva may not be "looking for the normal VIP," but if you're not invited or don't look the part, which we noted "can be anything from European fashionista to scuzzy punk," you can kiss Le Baron au revoir.
Discobox. Wednesday to Sunday, December 3 to 7, 11 p.m. Basement Miami, 2901 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 786-257-4548; basementmiami.com. Ages 21 and up. Welcome to the Basement. Located inside SoBe's newest hotel, the Miami Beach Edition, the swanky party hall is bringing the Discobox to Art Basel. Everyone from disco pioneer DJ Harvey to Hot Creations co-founder Lee Foss and house legend Louie Vega have, or shortly will be, partying there. But the best night to crash the Basement is Thursday -- that's when DFA boss man James Murphy will be taking over the turntables.
See also: Art Basel Miami Beach 2014 Party Guide
Jeffrey Deitch, Tommy Hilfiger, and V Magazine's Art Basel Opening Night Party. With a performance by Miley Cyrus. Wednesday, December 3, 10 p.m. Raleigh Hotel, 1775 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-534-6300; raleighhotel.com. Sure, the Art Basel opening party at the Raleigh with Miley Cyrus may be invite only, but if you show up wagging your tongue and wearing a banana suit or decked out weed paraphernalia thong onesie, you get to party with America's twerk queen.
Chrome Hearts Opening. With a live performance by Zoe Kravitz of Lolawolf and Atlanta de Cadenet DJ set. Wednesday, December 3, 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. Chrome Hearts, 4025 NE 2nd Ave., Miami; chromehearts.com. By invitation only. From Hong Kong to Paris to Honolulu, Chrome Hearts' "Fuck You" bracelets and silver fleur-de-lis charms have been a celebrity favorite for a quarter century. Now the boutique is celebrating the 305 launch of its Art Basel pop-up shop with an intimate performance from Lolawolf's Zoe Kravitz and a DJ set from Atlanta de Cadenet.
Future Brown. With Kelela. Thursday, December 4, 8 p.m. Perez Art Museum Miami, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-375-3000; pamm.org. The event is open only to PAMM members and Art Basel, Design Miami, and Art Miami VIPs. We all "Wanna Party," but only PAMM members and Basel VIPs (and friends of, maybe?) will get turnt up with NYC's Future Brown and Miami's sophisticated art aficionados.
See also: Eight Signs You're Not VIP
Disaronno Terrace Art Week Edition. Featuring artist Jeremy Penn and his latest collection "The Evolution and The Ego." Music by DJ Christa Marie. Thursday, December 4, 7 p.m. The Gale Hotel, 1690 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. The event is invite only. Visit disaronno.beoriginale.com. Disaronno Terrace is taking over the Gale. So is Jeremy Penn's post-modern artistic masterpieces and DJ Christa Marie's indie electro beats. Sure, it's a long shot hoping you'll make it pass the ropes without your name on the list, but hey, maybe you can pretend to be some sort of professional liqueur taster and get away with it.
De Nolet. Presented by Ketel One. With Twin Shadow (live), the Knocks (DJ set), and Rush Midnight. Thursday, November 4, 9 p.m. With Cashmere Cat, Midnight Magic, DJ Getlive! Friday, December 5, 9 p.m. Soho Studios, 2151 NW First Ct., Miami; 305-600-4785; sohostudiosmiami.com. By invitation only. Ages 21 and up. Quick! You only have "Five Seconds" to make a run for it into Soho Studios! So you better act quick if you wanna score free Ketel One and catch Twin Shadow, the Knocks, and Rush Midnight do their DJ thang. If you fail the first night, you can always try again on Friday. Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky and party with Cashmere Cat, Midnight Magic, and DJ Getlive!
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Scope + VH1 Art + Music. With Nabiha, Swizz Beatz, and Zen Freeman. Friday, November 5, 8 to 11 p.m. Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Private and invite only. Visit scope-art.com. So what if you didn't score an invite to Scope and VH1's art and music party at Mansion. Everyone will be too "busy dancing" with Nabiha, Swizz Beatz, and Zen Freeman to even notice you've snuck your way in.
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