It might seem like a really rad idea to spend the next four days scorning sleep, sucking down free shots, and shuttling at top speed between endless arty parties, secret shows, and secretly arty lap dances. But if you don't put together a real plan and, uh, fucking pace yourself, all y'all just might get bashed by Basel.
Thus, in an effort to prevent Miami's art addicts, club rats, and scene kids from succumbing to fatally arty exhaustion, we at New Times have selected Art Basel Miami Beach week's ten best parties, concerts, and strip shows.
Nightdrive and Stüssy's Art Basel Kickoff. With Geneva Jacuzzi, Pollyn, Selebrities, and others. Thursday, December 1, 11 p.m., Mamushka's Midtown, 31 NW 36th St., Miami; 786-991-3823. No cover. Ages 21 and up. Start your art adventure with Nightdrive, Stüssy, and a bunch of rad bands. Get drunk. Have fun. Ruin your best streetwear.
Neon Indian. With MillionYoung and Contra. Thursday, December 1, 10 p.m., Bardot, 3456 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-576-7750; bardotmiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $42 at the door. Ages 21 and up. Nope, Neon Indian is not a Bollywood superhero. He's a chillwave pioneer. Surf that cresting squall of sonic bliss straight into Basel week.
Cashmere Kitties Music Festival. With Pocket of Lollipops, Mr. Feathers, Metro Zu, and others. Thursday, December 1, to Saturday, December 3, 6:30 p.m., The Kohn Compound, 219 NW 24th St., Miami. No cover. All ages. No doubt, Basel can get pretty sketchy. So if you're seeking a safehouse, hit the Kohn Compound for Cashmere Kitties' three-day music fest.
Twin Shadow. As part of Absolut Vodka Cocktails Perfected. Friday, December 2, 8 p.m., NE 27th St. and NE Second Ave., Miami. No cover. Let shit get trippy with synth magician Twin Shadow, a half-bottle of Absolut, and maybe a hit of something harsher.
F**k Me I'm Famous! by Cathy and David Guetta. Friday, December 2, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami. Tickets cost $200 via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and over. Ostensibly, Basel week is all about the art. But if we wanna be real, it's about stalking famous people. And then fucking 'em.
Fab 5 Freddy and Ninjasonik. As part of Fountain Art Fair's opening night, presented by Artlog. Friday, December 2, 7 p.m., Fountain Art Fair Miami, 2505 N. Miami Ave., Miami; fountainexhibit.com. One-day tickets cost $10 and weekend passes cost $15 at the door. Dude, a three-hour sesh with old-schooler Fab 5 Freddy and new-schoolers Ninjasonik is basically a warp-speed trip through the history of hip-hop.
Basel Castle 2011. Presented by The Overthrow with Yelawolf, a DJ set by The Rapture, Penguin Prison, and others. Saturday, December 3, 5 p.m., Overthrow Castle, 41 NW 20th St., Miami; baselcastle.theoverthrow.com. Tickets cost $10 at the door. Ages 18 and up. On Saturday night at approximately 11:59 p.m., your four-day arty party orgy will hit its skull-splitting climax. In a freaking castle.
Tom Tom Magazine's Art Basel Showcase. With Holly Hunt, Snakehole, The State Of, and others. Saturday, December 3, 8 p.m., Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Tickets cost $7 at the door. We at New Times have been quoted as saying, "It's a proven fact that the hottest thing in rock 'n' roll is a woman on drums." So don't miss this Basel bash thrown by a magazine dedicated entirely to ladies who slap the skins for a living.
Crosstown Rebels present Get Lost Art Basel. With Damian Lazarus, Clive Henry, Lee Curtiss, and others. Sunday, December 4, noon, Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $35 plus fees via residentadvisor.net. Age 21 and up. Why wait for WMC or Miami Music Week? Unleash your Basel beat freak at Crosstown Rebels' Get Lost.
Hard 2 Leave. Presented by The Overthrow with Craze, Tamara Sky, Ninjasonik, Caligula, Troy Kurtz, and others. Sunday, December 4, 11 p.m., Goldrush Miami, 29 NE 11 St., Miami; theoverthrow.com. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via eventbrite.com. Ages 21 and up. Absolutely every week in Miami ends with a trip to the strip club. Hence, Hard 2 Leave. Be sure your personal Basel kit includes plenty of sweaty, crumpled dolla, dolla bills, y'all.
