Welcome to Miami. The beach is bangin'. Ditto the babes of both sexes. And the music is the effing best, bro.
But while the rest of America might want to limit the MIA's music scene to its coked-out clubbers, horny Calle Ocho party crews, and ass-blasting rappers, Dade County has always been rife with punks, metalheads, soul legends, swampy blues dudes, indie rockers, dark DJ duos, and experimental noise freaks too.
We got it all. Just check the cut for numbers 50 to 46 in Crossfade's epic list of the Best Miami Bands of All Time.
50. Scraping Teeth
Whenever a crappy national publication like Spin Magazine denounces your self-described "confrontational rock" crew as the Worst in America, you immediately become eligible for last place in Crossfade's Best Miami Bands of All Time. Thus, we honor Frank "Rat Bastard" Falestra and Scraping Teeth's sporadic, half-assed, almost 20-year commitment to releasing awesomely offensive classics like "Blow Me While I Shit." As Rat says, "Our motivation was always to be the greatest band in the world. It's what we've tried to do. And that's how you get to be the worst." -- S. Pajot
49. Frank Williams & The Rocketeers
If you happened to be wandering the streets of Miami in the 1960s and jonesing for that deep Dade County funk, you needed to go see Frankie Williams. From South Beach to Brown Sub or the Knight Beat to the Continental, he and The Rocketeers were all about showin' what they got -- real, hot, soulful R&B. Featuring a revolving cast of the best players on the scene (including the virtuosic Little Beaver), Frank Williams & The Rocketeers were a top draw at the clubs, and their records are worth serious cashola today. -- Jacob Katel
48. Iko Iko
These days, Iko Iko founder, frontman, and guitar guy Graham Wood Drout is doing battle with old age and diabetes. But he and his band have survived drive-by shootings, rancid tacos, and Mariel refugees with disco balls, not to mention nearly 30 years at Miami's oldest former speakeasy and whore house, Tobacco Road. Even while soundtracking Coors Light radio commercials, landing major movie cameos, and jamming with Willie "Back Door Man" Dixon, Iko and Graham just ignored the trends, did their job, and became Dade's baddest bar band ever, forever ripping through "damaged boogie and dirt-floor blues with no hope, no fear, no cover." -- S. Pajot
47. Awesome New Republic
Ever since earning Pitchfork's official shrug of approval, thanks to a snotty music snob insult ("They have the worst name since Ninja High School") and a 7.9-rating of the 2005 full-length album ANR So Far, Michael-John Hancock and Brian Robertson of Awesome New Republic ("i.e. a people's movement of astounding proportions") have served as our city's unofficial indie rock laureates. Over the last seven years, they've released another five albums of eclectic experimental pop. They've traveled across continents, repping Miami. And they've inspired an entire generation of aspiring SoFla indie stars. In the warmly wistful words of New Times staff blogger Kyle Munzenrieder: "The city got behind the band, and every rave review in a place like Pitchfork, any shoutout on BBC radio, any blog buzz, or any success they achieved felt in a small way like Miami's own." -- S. Pajot
46. Miami Bass Warriors
This short-lived 2000s side project from Otto Von Schirach, Jose El Rey, and El Tigre was perhaps Miami bass's best chance of making a comeback. And when the trio turned into a quartet with the addition of Avenue D's Debbie Dynamite, what followed was ass-shaking gold. While "Going Back to Calle Ocho" was clever, "Bro, That Chick's A Basser" and "Breakfire" proved the group was ready for the dance floor. Unfortunately, though, the group disintegrated after the release of its first, and only, self-titled EP, due to the "death" of Jose El Rey and the disappearance of El Tigre. Still, remnants of the Miami Bass Warriors can be found on tracks like the Debbie-led Miami Booty Club's "Super Sucia" and Otto's latest single "Salpica (Miami)."
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Will the Miami Bass Warriors ever come back to reclaim their bass throne? For the 305's sake, let's hope so. -- Jose D. Duran
Check out the other installments of Crossfade's 50 Best Miami Bands of All Time: