A memo from Uncle Luke to all y'all haters who seem to think the hip-hop industry should institute some sorta superstrict mandatory retirement policy ... Screw you. That shit's ageist.
In today's edition of Luke's Gospel, entitled "Jay-Z, Eminem, and Rick Ross Are Never Too Old For Rap," New Times's resident rap expert and anti-discrimination advocate makes the case for middle-aged mike manglers.
Because, according to Luke, "Hip-hop is not some kiddie fad music anymore."
"The fans who got hooked on rap in the '80s," he says, "are now inching closer to their 40s too. Does that mean the doctors and lawyers who as teens used to listen to Uncle Luke are chilled-out now? Hell, nah. You'll see them at one of my concerts alongside their teenage children getting down to booty music."
Luther R. Campbell's Not-Too-Old-For-Rap Index
*Ranked in ascending order by age
Ricky Rozay: 36
Marshall Mathers: 40
Snoop Dogg: 40
Doug E. Fresh: 46
Uncle Luke: 53
Beastie Boys: 137 (combined)
Wu-Tang Clan: 334 (combined)
Now Uncle Luke never explicitly addresses his reasons for this sudden, spirited defense of the 36-to-334 rapper demographic.
But as a 53-year-old father, longtime fan of free-speech, and former Miami-Dade mayoral candidate who's preparing to embark upon "the Lollapolooza of Bass music," we can only assume that he's looking to shut up small-minded and discriminatory comment section assholes like Hayabusa, who reacted to the news of 2 Live Crew's upcoming reunion tour by snidely suggesting, "Stay retired."
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That's just ignorant bullshit, though. And as Uncle Luke says, hip-hop artists are never too old to rap.
Even grandpas should be able to "Pop That Pussy" and get "As Nasty As They Wanna Be."