For the second week in a row, the Dolphins failed to capitalize on opportunities to close out a game and lost an overtime game they should have won. Given the "Cardiac Cards" moniker Arizona has earned as of late, you had to figure this game would get wild towards the end despite three quarters of rather boring football -- and holy balls did it ever get weird.
This game was absolutely maddening for any Dolphins fan. Rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill played his best football yet in a Dolphins uniform, passing for 431 yards and one touchdown, and showing tremendous poise while delineating quick decision-making in the pocket.
But he also fumbled to set up Arizona's game-tying touchdown with 22 seconds left in regulation and threw the final interception after an all-out blitz that allowed Arizona to creep up the field a few yards for the game-winning field goal.
Brian Hartline had the best game ever by a Dolphins receiver with 12 catches for 253 yards and a touchdown, and Davone Bess followed suit with his own 7-catches-for-123-yards game. Those are insane numbers for one of the worst ranked passing offenses coming into the game.
But then you had massive brainfarts the likes of Legedu Naane's late game fumble on what was his first reception in a very disappointing season (*cough*Irelandsucks*cough*). After that, Naanee was on the field for several plays late in the 4th and even into OT which makes you wonder exactly who's Dolphins coaching staff member's mother/wife/sister Legedu has video of performing various sexual favors for money.
The defense was also alternately spectacular then shitty and nowhere was this microcosm more evident than in the play of cornerback Sean Smith. On the one hand, Cards All-Pro wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald only had 8 catches for 64 yards and one touchdown on a passing defense that came into the game 30th in the league -- a victory in an of itself because of the Lexington Steele-sized gaping hole everyone figured Fitzgerald would leave in the collective anus of our defense.
However, Sean Smith played him pretty well and even had two interceptions himself, including an incredibly clutch play in the endzone to stop Arizona with goal-to-go inside our 5 yard line. He actually caught two of those balls with his hands made of stone! But then the stink of The Suck was inescapable as Smith also was responsible for two Cardinals touchdown passes causing several Dolfans to heat up their George Foreman grills and place their genitals directly on its seething, fat-cutting inclined surface!
/ slams head through wall
// runs outside, picks up car, throws it into traffic
/// runs onto beach, eats sand, yells into the sun and sky like a maniac
Even that dastardly Scooby Doo villain, Joe Philbin, did well yesterday with a solid game plan (especially early as they usually come out ready to play with their first 15 scripted plays) that tried to exploit matchups they felt were advantageous for us in Arizona's secondary, leading to Tannehill's breakout performance and Hartline's record day.
They even mixed in some great run plays with Reggie (and, unfortunately, Daniel Thomas' Vagina Feet) and managed the game well overall -- save for perhaps using their final timeout during the end of regulation to give their defense a breather as Arizona drove for the final touchdown.
Ultimately, this loss falls squarely on the 2 glaring holes on this Miami team: defensive backs and wide receivers. While there are clearly two NFL-caliber wide receivers on this Miami team and they put up hella crazy numbers yesterday, there is no one else young Tannehill can count on.
It doesn't help when you keep putting players on the field like Legedu Naanee who are not only ineffectual about 98 percent of the time, but also make game-altering mistakes (yesterday's fumble, the poor route that led to Tannehill's first interception in Houston) when they are called upon to perform.
In addition, this loss falls squarely on the shoulders of the pass defense, their lack of talent and their inability to close out this game when it mattered most in the 4th quarter. Kevin Kolb should not be going apeshit for three TDs on your pass defense when he can barely find an All-Pro like Larry Fitzgerald half the time.
It's going to be a long season of these types of losses because GM Jeff Ireland did not do enough to address these areas of concern and even made recent moves that were detrimental to the success of this team this year on one of those fronts (the Vontae trade).
Therefore, feel free to throw some acorns at Jeff Ireland the next time you see him or gift him a few pine cones to shove up his stubborn, raggedy ass.
The Miami Dolphins Football Circus rolls on to Cincinnati next Sunday. Come one, come all to see the Man with Actual Vaginas for Feet! Kickoff is at 1 p.m.
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