Florida's public-masturbation crisis has now crossed over to the other gender. Jeffery Marriott, a 50-year-old resident of Port St. Lucie, was arrested late last month after being caught in the middle of an epic wank session in his own front yard. One neighbor who witnessed the display said Marriott was "working real hard," and when police arrived, they found an "unknown clear liquid substance" on his door knob. Yes, there was some sort of slob on his knob.
The incident happened May 30. A female neighbor spotted Marriott wanking away and called police. According to Off the Beat, she told police that he was "walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard, and between the trucks."
She also told police that he had his little Marriott "in his hand, working real hard at it." A-plus for effort. F for appropriateness.
When police arrived, they found that "unknown clear liquid substance" on his door knob. Let's not jump to conclusions, because it could have been... Oh, too late -- we've already jumped to conclusions, haven't we?
Police first spoke to Marriott's girlfriend. She said she had been taking a nap for the past three hours and that Marriott had not been in the bed with her.
Marriott was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of exposure of sexual organs.
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