Stupid PETA Tricks: Ten Tasteless, Testes-Teasing Tactics

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was founded in 1980 as an animal rights group. Today it's the premier producer of subversive sexual pop-culture fodder. It's gotten to the point where people talk more about PETA's tacky tactics than their actual message. Shouldn't they get back to the business...

By Kyle Munzenrieder

September 23, 2009

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "19274298",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "17482312",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482310",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482313",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was founded in 1980 as an animal rights group. Today it's the premier producer of subversive sexual pop-culture fodder. It's gotten to the point where people talk more about PETA's tacky tactics than their actual message. Shouldn't they get back to the business of saving cocks, not teasing ours?

Tomorrow at noon, PETA will send out scores of topless protesters to Bayfront Park adorned in little more than body paint and fish fins and holding signs like "Fishing Kills" and "Gutted Alive." This might have been a more productive protest if we weren't so sick of PETA sexing up everything it does. To prove the point, we've rounded up some of PETA's most ridiculously raunchy advertising.

PETA first dipped its hand into eroticism with the "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" campaign. At first, it starred supermodels such as Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell, but lately has relied on perennial D-listers such as Holly Madison and Khloé Kardashian and massive amounts of Photoshop. What might have been clever the first time around is getting kind of old, and almost always brings more attention to whatever minor celeb they can get to strip (almost always a skinny lady, more often light-skinned than not) to any anti-fur campaigning.

2. Pamela Anderson Drops to Her Knees for Steve-O

'Cruelty Doesn't Fly'--Learn More at PETA.org.

Speaking of D-lister, this PETA commerical was recently banned. Maybe it has something to do with pants-less Pamela Anderson dipping down to her knees with her fingers wrapped around Jackass alum Steve-O's waistband.

3. Despite All My Animal Activist Rage, I'm Still Just a Pregnant Lady in a Cage

For Mother's Day 2008, PETA got a pregnant lady to kneel down topless in a cage in London. As Best Week Ever pointed out, they might have been more successful in scarring passing children for life than bringing attention to caged pregnant pigs.

4. Udder Failure

The real problem with this ad is it kind of makes us want some milk.

5. No Fatties

All of these women appear to be drop-dead sexy, but do curvy ladies get to make a political point? Nope, they're open game for public ridicule. 6. We'd Rather Go Topless than Wear Fur

PETA persuaded a bunch of strippers to get naked for this ad, which totally misses the point. They'd rather go naked than wear anything. They're strippers for crissake. And do we even want to get into the argument about how maybe it's not such a great idea to glamorize strippers?

7. How About Somethin' Somethin' for the Ladies and the Gays?

PETA has been keeping straight dude's wank rolodexes full for the last decade, but how about a little eye candy for the woman and gay men? Sorry, Steve-O doesn't count. Besides, with the gay community especially, there's so many tasteless jokes you could make. How about an anti-chicken nugget ad with the words "They only cock I want to eat is my boyfriends?"

8. Carrots Are the New Dildos!

It isn't ok to eat animals, but apparently it's just fine and dandy to sexually molest vegetables.

9. "My Little Girl's Gonna Get Some"

Teenage pregnancy is no small problem, but for PETA it's just another way to push forward their agenda.

10. "They make women strip down, put vegetables over their genitals, and subject them to hours of photoshoots. No living creature should be treated like that!"

We'll give The Onion News Network the final word.

KEEP NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. Your membership allows us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls. You can support us by joining as a member for as little as $1.