Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 4/02
Charges: Grand Theft, Criminal Mischief, Battery
Well, when your mugshot looks this fly, you deserve to get "conceited" tattooed across your chest.
Arrested: 4/02
Charges: Cocaine Possession, Grand Theft, Organized Theft
Police were able to track him down by following the trail of curly chest hairs.
Arrested: 04/1
Charges: Forged Checks, Grand Theft, Organized Fraud
As luck would have it, we decided to Google this one before making some sort of weak "aging hippie" joke, and found a woman who apparently gets a new hairstyle for every mugshot.
Arrested: 3/28
Charges: Trespassing
That wasn't hair gel.
Arrested: 3/31
Charges: Drinking in Public, Cocaine Possession, and Drug Paraphernalia
We understand how tattooing Beyoncé song titles on yourself could be a powerful means of boosting self-confidence, yet we're not sure we could put up with all the jokes. How much do you want to bet that when they told her to turn for her side portrait, they said, "To the left, to the left"?
Arrested: 3/28
Charges: Trespassing
This man is the living embodiment of "Don't worry, be happy." We're getting his face tattooed on ourselves as a powerful means of boosting self-confidence.
Arrested: 4/01
Charges: Escape Attempt, Threatening a Public Servant, Battery
Isn't charging someone with an escape attempt kind of redundant? Clearly if you're taking his mugshot (this one in particular), it's safe to assume the escape was not successful.
Arrested: 4/01
Charges: Burglary, Resisting Arrest
This is the exact kind of guy who'll tell everyone who sees his bloodied mug: "Yeah, well, you should have seen the other guy."
Arrested: 3/28
Charges: Cannabis and Drug Paraphernalia Possession.
A lesser-used deterrent in the War on Drugs is reminding people how it's nearly impossible to look good in a mugshot when you're stoned.
Arrested: 3/28
Charges: Battery
We just might make it a habit to chronicle every "The World Is Mine" tattoo.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
