Prom was just better in the '80s. Haven't you seen John Hughes movies?
Unlike the plot of some '80s films, going back in time is impossible. The closest thing we can get to it is theme parties, and theme parties only work if people get on board with the theme.
Miami is not generally good at theme parties, but when it comes to '80s Prom, you bring your best. The Sweat Records tradition is 12 years old, and even though it's just a bad friend and a cigarette away from being a surly teenager, it still gets the glitz and goth glamour out of a Miami crowd.
See also: Five Signs You Might Be Stuck in the '80s
Dude, are Gem and the Holograms performing tonight? No, they just wanted to come out, get wasted, and laugh at you from behind their smoke screens. You are honored for the privilege.
Quirk is an essential element to any proper '80s environment, and this girl is looking right full of it. That earing is so flash, that jacket so gaudy, even Madonna herself is jealous. She just needs, like, four or 20 more bracelets, but she's killing the game.
See also: 12th Annual '80s Prom at Steam: The 49-Photo Slideshow
The jams are so juicy, it is making us teary-eyed. At least our sweat won't get in our eyes. Why is bro wearing a jacket over his Michael Jackson jacket? Because he's bad, duh, now beat it.
This is so fucking fantastically '80s, it might be the poster for the next Molly Ringwald blockbuster. I can feel the discomfort of their age without having to read it on their faces. That sideways ponytail, that giant ass-covering bow. Everything about this is boss.
Scoff.
See also: The Ten People You Meet at '80s Prom
All of this is so yes, we are literally dying. Total high score fringe game on babe. Dude-babe has as much swag as he has patterns. The fanny pack is serving ultimate no fucks '80s realness, and that facial hair is like, well, he probably wears it that way every day. Every day is '80s Prom.
Afrobeta are kind of like the first man and woman of Miami. This flashy couple is definitely in the running for Prom Queen and King. Basically, we're jealous of this dress. And that hair.
See also: Ten Most Badass TV Theme Songs of the '80s
Okay, just kidding, y'all. This is the '80s Prom Queen and King. That chain. That hair. That fur. That look. This is way too much, I need a moment.
Somebody must have spiked the punch. Even the chaperone is letting lose. You can tell this guy is the cool teacher, or maybe he's just an over-grown senior who fancies himself ready for college girls.
Nope. Yep. It's done. This dude wins.
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