Dolly Parton is a tiny lady with great big assets. She's got a giant voice, huge hair, plump lips, and -- don't pretend like you never noticed -- massive boobs!
The Southern songstress has a certain kind of lightheartedness and sense of humor about most everything, including her gifts. She's known for joking good-naturedly about her gazongas and she was once quoted as saying, "I hope people realize that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs."
Dolly, we sure do, honey. And we love the heart as much as the boobs. But since your boobs are ten times the physical size of your heart, we've decided to dedicate this list of booby euphemisms to you, our favorite ample-bosomed Appalachian princess.
Just to start, here's a Parton boob pump on Jay Leno to set the stage for the rest of this list. Whoa ... OK, let us move on.
10. Titties
Titties is perhaps the funniest, simplest, and filthiest word to use for boobs. It's like tits but smaller and cuter. This song makes the titties shake btw.
9. Tatas
Crossfade suspects that a non-English speaker or a small child might have come up with this particular euphemism. Thai singer Tata Young (born Su Min Ta Marie Young) sort of proves this point. Why didn't anyone say to young Tata, "Wouldn't you prefer Tati?"
8. Melons
The best part about calling those half-spheres on your chest melons is that melons are tasty and refreshing. It's like a compliment to them. They say thanks.
7. The Girls
It'd be fun if guys with man boobs started calling them the boys. Just sayin'.
6. Balloons
Remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin when Steve Carrell's character, who'd never done it with a girl before, says boobs feel like bags of sand. Yeah, they don't feel like balloons either.
5. Hooters
Hooters isn't just a place to watch sports and eat wings. It's also a band with a great name.
4. Lumps
This is a terrible song. Listening to it is like being hit in the ears with bad taste. Also, calling boobs lumps is, like, kind of a problem, no? Has Fergie never heard of breast cancer? Again, bad taste.
3. Peaches
As we mentioned earlier, anything having to do with fruit is good to go. Peaches are delicious and juicy. Boobs say, "Thank you," again and blush a little.
2. Love Muffins
There is actually a band named Love Muffins and they are German. That's it.
1. Knockers
OK, so this isn't a song. But, come on, it's Gene Wilder. Laugh! It's a good boob joke.
Dolly Parton's Better Day World Tour. Tuesday, October 18. Hard Rock Live, One Seminole Way, Hollywood. The show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets cost $40 to $100 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. Call 954-327-7625 or visit hardrocklivehollywoodfl.com.
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