Kanye West Records Sex Tape With Kim Kardashian Look-Alike, Cries About It

Kanye West may be a genius, but he's no stranger to double standards. When his "perfect bitch" drops a sex tape, it's totally awesome and everyone should watch it over and over while gettin' freaky. But when Yeezy himself drops a sex tape, it's, like, the worst thing that's ever...

By Kat Bein

September 21, 2012

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Kanye West may be a genius, but he's no stranger to double standards.

When his "perfect bitch" drops a sex tape, it's totally awesome and everyone should watch it over and over while gettin' freaky. But when Yeezy himself drops a sex tape, it's, like, the worst thing that's ever happened.

Sadly for Mr. West, the whole world's gonna totally wanna see him bang an 18-year-old Kim K. look-alike. Over and over.

-Kanye Watched Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape With Ex-GFs! A Love Story in Six Parts

-Kim Kardashian, Kanye West Go Hairless, Allegedly Prep Unicorn Sex Tape Sequel

According to Perez Hilton, the video is fucking awesome. Get it? Fucking awesome?

"If this were to hit the market, it would be worth a fortune," a source says. "There would definitely be a lot of people wanting to see this! In my expert opinion, Kanye's performance far outweighs Kim's."

That's because he's a real artist and stuff.

Still, the man who can never get enough attention isn't stoked about the threat of this thang goin' public. Even though he sang all about watching his boo's sex tape while banging other women, Yeezy's not comfortable with that level of national exposure.

"The sex tape is being shopped right now and there's a lot of interest, but Kanye is freaking out," the source adds. "He doesn't want this tape out and will do anything to make sure it stays private. Kanye was practically in tears when he heard the tape was being shopped."

What the hell is wrong with these celebrities anyway? If they don't want a sex tape to get out, why make on the first place? Didn't their mother's teach them not to do anything they can't deny later? No? Only ours?

Oh well.

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.

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Twitter: @KatSaysKill