Man Up to Memorial Day

You might have thought about avoiding South Beach for this weekend’s Memorial Day activities, and in past years we might have encouraged it, but for 2009, we say suppress the bitch inside and hit some parties that will allow you to do the stanky leg and yell out Young Jeezy-esque yeahhhhhhs with no judgment from your usual party crew. While SoBe residents nosh on stockpiled pork ’n’ beans and liters of Pellegrino, meet up with celebs and wannabes at Wet Willie’s. We know, it’s sooo cliché (ask Ludacris), but there’s no better place to get blasted on cocktails of corn syrup and 100 proof liquor while utter debauchery swirls around you. And if the long line and $20 cover charge give you a case of the “Fuck that”s, you’re free to stand outside and watch the cool whips, hot chicks, and train wrecks pass by on Ocean Drive.

After you’ve spent eight hours sucking down Call-a-Cabs with Jim Jones, put on your play clothes and head over to Dolce for Busta Rhymes’s album-release party. The thick-necked MC will celebrate his latest opus — B.O.M.B.S. (Back on My Bullshit) — with invited guests Jamie Foxx, Akon, Jadakiss, Swizz Beats, and a few hundred tourists who have saved their hard-earned bucks to sweat out their weaves and buy overpriced Long Island iced teas. Who knows if any stars (including Rhymes) will actually show up, but you should be too drunk to notice anything beyond the nose on your face. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.
Sat., May 23, 10 p.m., 2009