Adios, Fidelito

Our suggestions for the corpse

By New Times Staff

published: August 03, 2006

Let's face it. Fidel Castro is either dead or headed that way. So, you wacky exiles, let's head for la isla, filch el comandante's body, and bring it home. Here are Miami New Times's suggestions for the cadaver:

1. Use him in a campaign ad for the strong-mayor initiative. The slogan: "What Fidel did for Cuba, Carlos Alvarez can do for Miami."

2. Lay him out, cover him in plastic, and rent him for $2000 per hour as a beach chair at the Delano.

3. Drop him at Elián's relatives' house and call it an even swap.

4. Shoot a movie, Weekend at Fidel's, in which two Miami geeks discover the old man's body in a beach house and then set out on a bender including a blow-up Paris Hilton doll.

5. Prop him in the concourse at Dolphin Stadium for a Marlins game and see if attendance finally tops 10,000.