Some wimp requests information about John Waters's film Pink Flamingos on an Internet bulletin board. "I want to see this movie but I want to know what I should watch out for, how gross it is ... please help!" A reply is posted: "You'll see the following: Divine giving oral sex to a guy; a threesome with a guy, a girl, and a chicken; cannibalism; the licking of furniture; a man opening his anus VERY wide." The classic is not for everybody, but some freaks swear it's better than The Wizard of Oz. It screens with vintage newsclips about the gay movement in Miami. Showtime is 8:30 p.m. at Miami Beach Cinematheque, 512 Española Way. Admission is $10. Call 305-673-4567. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Local doc gives locks talk
Got hair? Dr. Jeffrey Epstein does. The South Miami hair transplant surgeon profiled in The Beauty Makers, a book about the U.S.'s top 25 plastic surgeons, also has advice for those with anxiety about their shiny pates: transplant! And don't worry (makes your hair fall out), if Epstein gets his mitts on the last of your tresses, you won't end up looking like a Brillo pad-headed Frank Sinatra during his latter years. In fact Epstein says if you can tell someone's gotten a transplant, it probably wasn't done correctly (or done by him!). Director of the Foundation for Hair Restoration, Epstein will hold forth on how any man with much dread of a bald head can achieve hirsute harmony tonight at 8:00 at Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables. Admission is free. Call 305-442-4408. -- By Nina Korman
With the right mix of mad reverb, abrasive beats, and b-boy bravado, Miami bass can incite many battles, which is exactly what Mi Chika/Chiko Force promise tonight at 11:00 during Miami Bass Wars at I/O (30 NE 14th St.). Violence isn't expected, but who knows what will happen when old-school bass duo Jealous J and Jock D go turntable-to-turntable? Other scrapping DJs include the U.K.'s Scape One, the electro professor Exzakt, and the bad boy of bass Salim Rafiq. Want more mayhem? Show up early for booty-shaking and break-dancing competitions. Admission is $15. Call 305-358-8007. -- By Humberto Guida
Foul and fair weather on film
Around New Year's Day the thought of spending another minute wrapped in wool becomes too much for many folks to bear. Instead, images of playful beach bunnies frolicking in the Miami surf fill the heads of shivering Northerners. Poor dears. As the films in the Louis Wolfson II Florida Moving Image Archive demonstrate, the Sunshine State really is a paradise for the winter weary. (Except for that crazy day in 1977 when snow reached all the way down to Cutler Ridge.) The archive collects professional and home movies for research and archival purposes and screens selections throughout the year. Its current program, Weather Vain, is dedicated to Florida's usually splendid and occasionally horrifying climatic conditions. There's even a 100 percent chance of catching the popular Weaver the Weatherman getting drenched once again! Screenings take place from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays through Thursday, January 29, at the Miami-Dade Public Library (101 W. Flagler St.). Admission is free. Call 305-375-1505. -- By Margaret Griffis
Mia, Myself & Movies
When Mia Farrow steps up to the podium as the first speaker of this season's Gulfstream Park Women's Club Series, we know what you want to hear: lurid tales about her tumultuous personal life with Frank Sinatra, Woody Allen, and turncoat stepdaughter Soon-Yi. Or maybe you expect a lecture on parenting, seeing that she's adopted more kids than Santa has elves. What you will get is a buffet lunch, a racing program, a $2 betting voucher and some help handicapping the horses, plus a goodie bag from Saks Fifth Avenue. Farrow, a truly underrated actress, will hold forth on her career, which has included such movies as the chilling Rosemary's Baby and the bittersweet Hannah and Her Sisters (hey, didn't Woody Allen direct that? Here we go again!). Talk time is 11:30 a.m. at Gulfstream Park, 901 S. Federal Hwy., Hallandale. Admission is $45. Call 954-457-6210. -- By Nina Korman
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Dogs Work Catwalk
Fashion mongers lining this runway may think the models in this show are dogs. That's because they really are dogs. In an innovative and fun-loving approach to finding abandoned pooches good homes, the Humane Society is hosting a doggie fashion show with a lineup of sleek, beautiful, and exotic creatures who don't have attitude, addictions, agents, or eating disorders. The dogs will be walking leashed and lingerie-clad human models. The show starts at 6:00 p.m. at the Wave Hotel, 350 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $35. Call 305-696-0800. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez