Miami Beach Is Effin’ Gay

Winter Party Miami Beach is so gay that everyone gets there by rainbow, the fire hydrants spew lube, and all women in a 20-mile radius get repetitive-motion cramps in their fingers. Blown-out O-ring repairmen fill the streets, drag queens sell nut hiders out of the trunks of their cars, and...

By Jacob Katel

February 23, 2012

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Winter Party Miami Beach is so gay that everyone gets there by rainbow, the fire hydrants spew lube, and all women in a 20-mile radius get repetitive-motion cramps in their fingers. Blown-out O-ring repairmen fill the streets, drag queens sell nut hiders out of the trunks of their cars, and the word fabulous is uttered once every half-second. During Winter Party, the ocean fills with seamen and their semen. International travel from the island of Lesbos goes up tenfold, and the entire city of Homosassa Springs shows up to party. The weeklong festival is full of the gayest parties in all of Homolandia. The drinks are gay, the food is gay, the DJs are gay, the weather is gay, and even the straights turn gay to celebrate. It is, in a nutshell, a gay old time.
Feb. 29-March 5, 2012

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