If You Build It, They Still Won’t Come

Ostracizing Miami Marlins supporters for voicing opinions and/or concerns has seemingly become a bigger pastime than baseball itself around South Florida. Think of Logan Morrison demoted to the minors for tweeting in 2011; then Manager Ozzie Guillen suspended for Castro remarks in 2012; lifelong fans ejected for opposing the front office by wearing F Jeff and Free the Marlins shirts at the home opener on April 8. But in an effort to attract fans and fill seats, the Fish are unloading an arsenal of promotional gimmicks to distance themselves from negative connotations that may be associated with having the 29th best out of 30 teams attendance record in baseball thus far. For just $22 to $32 Monday at 7:10 p.m., Marlins owner Jeffery Loria has agreed to provide unlimited Kayem beef franks, peanuts, popcorn, nachos, Pepsis, and Aquafina water to folks interested in watching the New York Mets take nine-inning batting practice against his highly dispensable squad of would-be-hall-of-famers for other teams. In fact, the All You Can Eat Seats deal. The Marlins are also reaching out to local heroes. Active-duty and retired military personnel, veterans, first-responders, military civilians, and their families receive complimentary admission with valid ID 90 minutes prior to each Monday home game this season. Unfortunately, however, the Marlins front office refuses to provide our heroes or season ticket holders, lifelong fans, 80-year-old Cuban grandparents who live around the ballpark, MLB, etc. with a quality product. At presstime, the Fish are *CK: 2-10. And nobody we ask seems to know the starting lineup. Hell, nobody can name just 30 percent of the team. Regular seats cost $9 to $305 via marlins.com. Go Fish?
Mon., April 29, 7:10 p.m., 2013