Get out the House

Baltimore club music began in the early Pleistocene era, when males from the Homo habilis species found that tapping a stick on a rock in 8/4 time while repeating one unique grunting noise made them 64 percent more likely to get ass. Unfortunately, this highly effective mating technique was lost...

By P. Scott Cunningham

March 12, 2009

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "19274298",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "17482312",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482310",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482313",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

Baltimore club music began in the early Pleistocene era, when males from the Homo habilis species found that tapping a stick on a rock in 8/4 time while repeating one unique grunting noise made them 64 percent more likely to get ass. Unfortunately, this highly effective mating technique was lost until the early 1990s, when Baltimore, Maryland club DJ Scottie B rediscovered it by lifting the beat from the disco band Gaz’s “Sing-Sing” and looping a clip from the show Sanford & Son on top of it. Within minutes, female Homo sapiens were gyrating uncontrollably; babies were born, and the style spread to most major American metropolises, except of course for techno-obsessed Miami.

But not anymore, thanks to the guys behind Flow Crib, a new Thursday-night party at South Beach’s Provocateur, which house heads will recognize as the old GrooveJet. DJs Joe Cost, Irv, and Mister James take turns on the vinyl control. No cover means more dollars for bottles, and every homo knows what more liquor means. For reservations, call 786-202-0789, or visit theuppergroup.com/provocateur
Thursdays, 2009

KEEP NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. Your membership allows us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls. You can support us by joining as a member for as little as $1.