Enforcer Down

Ever since the Miami Heat’s not-so-stellar season debut, the media (along with some incurably irrational Heat fans) has been accusing the team of being “soft.” And while the media fails to tell us exactly what it means to be that way (Are the guys soft like Charmin or soft like an old mango?), it uses buzzwords such as finesse to describe the 305 team. Well, now the Heat-hating media’s collective pants are really going to explode with the news that forward Udonis Haslem will miss some significant time owing to an injured foot. Because if there were a guy who could never be labeled a finesse player, it’s the indomitable, ball-crushing, blue-collar badass that is UD. Unfortunately, he tore a ligament in his left foot after falling awkwardly during the Memphis game two weeks ago. It should be noted that Haslem was going for a rebound when he was injured. It’s also telling that he was hurt playing a team named for grizzly bears. The Heat says Haslem will be out indefinitely but that he will return sometime this season. For now, the Miami boys will have to play without their enforcer, while the media bloviates about how the players are sure to magically morph into a bag of marshmallows before our eyes. The Heat hosts the Atlanta Hawks this Saturday at the American Airlines Arena.
Sat., Dec. 4, 7:30 p.m., 2010