Best Secondhand Store - 2009
Give Good Works
A brief dissertation on the ethics of consumerism during the current depression: Proposition #1: Reject high-volume manufacturing. An object's quality generally lies in inverse proportion to its availability. While this is not necessarily true of simple items (ketchup, pencils, lubricants), it becomes more and more true as the object's construction increases in difficulty (hamburgers, computers, battery-powered sex toys). Proposition #2: High volume necessitates low wages, which in turn leads to overseas production and executive compensation structure based strictly on growth in profit margins, which in turn leads to vanity license plates, niche prostitution, and a general increase in douchebag behavior across all segments of the population. Proposition #3: Douchebag-like behavior leads to corporate malfeasance. White-collar crime and nondiscretionary spending on the triumvirate of skin exfoliation, béarnaise sauce, and Asian-style massage have a one-to-one relationship. Proposition #4: Proliferation of thrift stores curbs douchebaggyness. Based on a philosophy of reuse and inherent worth, thrift has at its essence an ontological resistance to douchebags. The growth of one necessarily means the reduction of the other. Proposition #5: Give Good Works is an excellent location for thrift shopping, owing to its commitment to high turnover of product, its 501(c)(3) status, and its friendly and helpful staff. Conclusion: Supporting Give Good Works reduces the number of accidental deaths due to battery-powered sex toy malfunction.