A diner doesn't have to serve sausage gravy poured over a hot, open-faced biscuit with scrambled eggs and a side of buttered rye toast. It doesn't have to provide bottomless cups of coffee, warmed up with a smile by waitresses who remember your name and always seem to know exactly when you're ready to order, need more ketchup, or would like that frittata wrapped, please. It doesn't have to look like the old Hawthorne Grill, the diner, tragically torn down in 1999, that Quentin Tarantino used as a set in Pulp Fiction. It doesn't have to have a counter nearly as long as the building itself and lined with swiveling stools that are always occupied by neighborhood regulars who don't need a menu and don't even need to verbalize their order because everyone, including the person on either side, already knows it. It doesn't have to hang a sign that reads, "Only a Greek can make Greek salad." It doesn't have to line up all the cereals in those plastic containers made famous by Jason Siegel's character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall on a shelf above the coffeemaker. It doesn't have to be devoid of all pretense, focused solely on serving well-made food at affordable prices to a local clientele. It doesn't have to be open seven days a week for breakfast and lunch. It doesn't have to be conveniently located on Biscayne Boulevard in the middle of the Upper Eastside's MiMo District, and you don't have to go there. There's a Denny's right down the street.
The best diner in Miami is on Bird Rd. It is Picnics. I love Jimmy's, but it doesn't compare to Picnics. Picnics use to be the diner in Allen's drugstore. The service is amazing as is the food. They were so kind a weekend ago, staying open to serve us breakfast even though it was there closing time on a Sunday. I love this place. It is nice and quaint and I think everyone should experience it who likes Diner food.
Sure, I'll calm down. When being pretentious about not being pretentious by being over-pretentious about not being pretentious is no longer a fad. Good day, sir. I'm off to Denny's.
Does a diner have to be open to new customers? Does a diner have to be frequented only by the Old Man Withers-type, the man who runs the amusement park? This place sounds like that warm smile will turn upside down when somebody walks in there without a beard and a hole-ridden shirt that hasn't been washed in a week because some people not only worship the place that they eat their every meal, but also their own smell. Thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll go somewhere that doesn't scold me for not dedicating myself to a restaurant, for not knowing every detail of its history and frequenters, and for wanting an occasional meal that doesn't clog my arteries. I'll take advantage of living in a big city and avoid developing an anxiety based personality disorder that's provoked by little moments falling just a little short of too predictable.
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