Your kitty has been lonely. Your kitty wants to play. Your kitty deserves better than the sticky-floored place 'round the corner. For three hot days in April, you can get the finest in fake. Exxxotica Miami is where you go to make your naughtiest fantasies come true. Every year, the three-day porngasm takes over the typically staid Miami Beach Convention Center and fills the mofo up with scantily clad sluts and the bad boys who wanna poke 'em. Past years have seen once-stunning, now-scary skin-flick queen Jenna Jameson meeting and greeting fans, still-smokin' Tera Patrick smooching for photos, and Ron Jeremy signing titties and flirting up a storm. This year's ho-down took place April 18 through 20 and brought pneumatic blonde hotties Jesse Jane and Stormy Daniels along for the ride. But besides the knicker-twisting array of girls, there's the merch — products for sale to fill every orifice and then some. Imagine a kinky wonderland filled with magical vibrators, whips, and Realdolls. It's all here for the taking. You can play it safe with rabbit vibes, ben wa balls, and nipple clamps, or try something new for size, like the OYes vibrating cock ring, erotically delicious chocolates by Bedazzle My Bonbons, or the Hard On Lip Balm that claims to um, prolong the fellatio experience. "Best Before Head" is the slogan.