The name "Sam's Kosher Restaurant" would make sense. "Moishe's on 41st" I wouldn't have a problem with.

Here we go with the names.

I'm sorry, Mr. I've-heard-it-all-before, but I still say "Prime Sushi" doesn't sound right for a kosher restaurant.

They serve sushi — what else should they call it? Would Prime Kosher Raw Fish maybe be better for you? Their special roll of tuna, salmon, whitefish, avocado, cucumber, and that meshuga crab happens to be delicious. And the crunchy, spicy tuna roll, too. Charging $6.50 for a small roll, and $11 or $12 for a big, fancy schmancy roll, the restaurant could be called Prime Adolf and I'd still sit my tuchas down here for dinner.

Don't say such things. Besides, I don't eat sushi.

But their pizza with the fried eggplant on top I've seen you gobble so fast you'd think it was the first time you saw food. And $10.95 is not a bad price.

Okay, so the pizza is good. What, they should get an award for making a tasty kosher pie?

I feel like yelling out, "Help! A starving woman is sitting next to me!" every time you eat the eggplant Parmesan sandwich. And I still have aches in the finger where you poked me with the fork when I tried to taste some of your fettuccine Alfredo.

Who told you to reach over like an animal? Who does such things in a fancy restaurant with white tablecloths?

I'm just saying you like Prime Sushi as much as I do. That's why you schlep here with me for lunch and dinner. I notice you don't stay home when I go to Sunday brunch here, either.

What, I should stay home alone while you stuff your face with bagels at the all-you-can-eat buffet? I come here just to make sure you don't embarrass yourself. I suppose you're complaining because you have to shell out a mere extra $16.95 for me?

The Caribbean nachos — don't ask. You stuff them down your throat like there's no tomorrow. God forbid I should have to use the restroom — I'd come back and all the fried plantains, melted cheese, sour cream, and salsa would be gone.

What kind of name is Caribbean nachos? It doesn't sound kosher.

Oy, again with the names.