At this moment you have approximately four to twelve pounds of shit in your colon. So in addition to feeling bloated, lethargic, and gassy, you're walking around with two shopping bags full of feces. Isn't that sexyç Have no fear. Suzy Herzfeld at Feel the Heal has just the thing for that little problem. Her colon hydrotherapy treatments are 45 minutes of a tube up your derri?re while water is repeatedly forced into and out of your body ($85 for a single session; $300 for four; $700 for ten). Although this might sound like 45 minutes of hell, Suzy's gentle bedside manner and super-zen spa make this start-with-the-rear process easy to bear. She cheers you on the entire time, cooing "awesome" and "good job" while you lie face up on one of her heated beds, passing last year's lunch with a sarong draped loosely around your waist. Suzy's depth of knowledge of colon health and her down-to-earth approach definitely make you feel at ease. Then there's the wide-ranging collection of DVDs — you can giggle at Napoleon Dynamite while you, um, dump. And when you're all done and feeling like a million bucks, she sends you off with a clove of pickled garlic, a tasty continuation of your much-needed cleanse.