Best Quote (2014)

Chad Johnson: "I don't need a woman when I'm tonguing a killer whale"

For a decade, Chad Johnson was one of the best professional football players on the planet. But when a big-money move to the New England Patriots didn't work out, the man once known as "Ochocinco" was 86ed from the limelight. He moved back to his native Miami, signed with the Dolphins, and married reality-TV star Evelyn Lozada. Life was good. Shortly before the season started, however, Johnson was arrested for allegedly head-butting Lozada. In a matter of hours, he was dumped by his team, wife, and most of his fans. But as New Times revealed in a profile of the beleaguered baller, Johnson may not actually have attacked Lozada. Either way, he tried to put his broken life back together by spending time by himself and with his one, unwavering friend: Lolita the killer whale. Johnson, who grew up in Liberty City, had been fascinated by the animal since first seeing her decades before. Now he would come to the Miami Seaquarium by himself and watch her leap like a wide receiver out of her cage. One day, after everyone else had gone, Lolita's trainers invited Johnson onto the slippery platform in the middle of Lolita's pen. He crouched down on his knees as if praying. Suddenly, the orca emerged from the water in front of him, its open mouth revealing a line of sharp, six-inch teeth. Johnson leaned forward and kissed Lolita on her pale, pink tongue. Then he leaped into the air as if once again celebrating a touchdown. For a moment, the pain and penury of the past year was gone, and Johnson's smile was as wide as the orca's. "I don't need a woman when I'm tonguing a killer whale," he said.


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