Email Author Orlando Winters

2012 Stories by Orlando Winters

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Most Annoying Things About Miami, Summer Edition

  published Jun 19, 2012

  Miami can be a great place to live. We mean that hypothetically, of course, in the same way people say things like, "The Marlins can win the World Series this year." All the ingredients are there, tec... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Inside the Braco Experience: Faith, Convulsions, and a Whole Lot of Snake Oil

  published May 08, 2012

  In an age where things like evidence-based medicine and rigorous clinical trials reign supreme, we need something that works. The man known as "European phenomenon" Braco (pronounced Brah-tso) claims ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Five Most Annoying Things About Miami

  published Apr 26, 2012

  Every city in the world has things that piss its residents off. New York has its impossible real estate market. Los Angeles has the smog. Paris has all those damn French people. Miami is no different.... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  The Most and Least Awesome Jobs in Miami, 2012

  published Apr 12, 2012

  Jobs are like penises: everybody has them, except for women, who have vaginas and jobs. Then there's also hermaphrodites, who (we assume) don't hold two jobs. Or maybe some do, because it's a tough ec... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Miami Renaissance Festival: Fake Brits, Gay Shahs, and Kick-Ass Falcons

  published Apr 03, 2012

  Carnies generally have an unkempt, disheveled look to them. When you see them at the Miami-Dade County Youth Fair, you think to yourself, "Damn, what meth lab and/or Renaissance festival turned these ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Car Date's Lacy Burke Uses "Mind Control" to Make Women Sleep With Him

  published Mar 20, 2012

  Nice guys always finish last. Assholes always get the girl. It's a dating cliche, but to a certain extent, it's true. If I had to pick a joke to use on a girl I'm chatting up at a bar, I wouldn't go w... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Do You Know Your ABCs, Miamir

  published Mar 05, 2012

  A long time ago you learned your ABCs, and those of you with a penchant for drinking and driving probably learned your ZYXs just in case (well, we did, anyway). Either way, it raises an important ques... More >>

• Wanna Get Awayr These Valentine's Day Gifts Will End Your Relationship For Sure

  published Feb 09, 2012

  Look, we're gonna tell it like it is right off the bat: The best relationship-ending gift is herpes. Though it will rid you of your annoying significant other, it begins another lifelong, kinky menage... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Miami's Top Public Sex Spots: Five Places to Get It On in the Open

  published Feb 08, 2012

  If you really think about it, the only thing separating most private sex acts from the public realm is just a thin layer of drywall and people's puritanical inhibitions. Does that thought excite your ... More >>

• Forget the Puppy Bowl: Five Animal Showdowns We'd Rather See

  published Jan 31, 2012

  "What's the Puppy Bowl," you reluctantly askr It's Animal Planet exploiting a bunch of cute puppies and forcing them to play their own brand of football on national television on Super Bowl Sunday. Ye... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Why Stop at Stadiumsr Four More Tax-Funded Buildings That Could House the Homeless

  published Jan 26, 2012

  With the newfound revelation of a state law requiring tax-funded stadiums to house homeless citizens when not in use, just about everyone is thinking the same thing: "LOL WTFr" Team owners have long s... More >>