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2014 Stories by Jacob Katel

Archives: 2015 | 2014 | 2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008
  • New York Jets vs. Miami Dolphins

    published December 18, 2014

    Dear New York: Shut up already. You’re a whiny bunch of nameless, aimless, gameless hacks. You couldn’t beat a cardboard cutout in a... More >>

  • Dolphins vs. Jets

    published December 25, 2014

    Dear New York, Shut up already. You're a whiney bunch of nameless, aimless, gameless hacks. You couldn't beat a cardboard cutout in a boxing... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    Crazy Hood Talks Coming Home: Peru

    published Dec 31, 2014

    Miami's DJ EFN, Garcia, and the Crazy Hood Film Academy are blazing a trail of hip-hop statesmanship across the world. Their first film, Coming Home: Cuba, won awards at several film festivals and ... More >>

  • Lebron's Back in Town

    published December 25, 2014

    Cleveland was twice voted by people who currently live there as the worst city in America. Clevelanders hate Cleveland so much that their every... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    D-Mac on "The Code": "My Friend Was Shot in the Back by Police"

    published Dec 29, 2014

    Brownsville rapper D-Mac has a message for all racist cops and his peers in music -- and he put it in a music video called "The Code." Using Black Panther imagery, sampling a Fred Hampton speech, a... More >>

  • Life of a Gambler

    published December 18, 2014

    The last time the Miami Heat played the Washington Wizards, Miami lost 86-107 and I nearly went to the big sleep in concrete shoes at the bottom... More >>

  • Miami's Ten Best Reggae Acts of 2014
    FEATURED STORY

    Miami's Ten Best Reggae Acts of 2014

    published Dec 23, 2014

    Down in Florida City, Rasta Rick used to live in an air conditioned tree house, serve bricks of good outdoor ganja, and jam reggae tapes all day. Dade County is both a downtrodden Babylon, and a Ra... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    Miami Musicians on U.S.-Cuba, From "It's a Castro Bailout" to "Free Travel Is a Dream"

    published Dec 22, 2014

    Is this the end of the Cuban embargo, or just another imperialist conspiracy to infect the world with capitalism? The masses are fervently anticipating what Obama's new deal with the Castro regime... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    RIP China Valles, Pioneering Miami Jazz DJ, Friend of Duke Ellington, Dead at 89

    published Dec 19, 2014

    Duke Ellington nicknamed Charles "China" Valles the "Maharaja," a Sanskrit word denoting greatness and royalty. And from his throne behind the microphone and his place at the helm of the Sunshine J... More >>

  • Chicago Bullshit

    published December 11, 2014

    The Miami Heat is faster than a lie out of a lawyer’s mouth, stronger than the Colossus of Rhodes, and better at shooting than a... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    Mr. Entertainment Talks Book of Guinnesses and "Punk Rock 'Diarrhea'"

    published Dec 17, 2014

    If you like songs about cocaine, marijuana, liquor stores, tropical diseases, and booty shaking, then Last Testament: Book of Guinnesses by Mr. Entertainment and the Pookiesmackers is the rock album... More >>

  • Dress Funny, Get Money

    published December 11, 2014

    Wanna make $200 for dressing like your favorite videogame, cartoon, movie, or imaginary character? Head to Cosplay Kingdom, where... More >>

  • DJ Roliboy on Miami Bass: Disco Dave Played Slow-Down Music Before DJ Screw
    FEATURED STORY

    DJ Roliboy on Miami Bass: Disco Dave Played Slow-Down Music Before DJ Screw

    published Dec 16, 2014

    In the great traditions of DJ Uncle Al, Disco Dave, and Milton "Butterball" Smith, DJ Roliboy is a Miami street DJ known for dropping tremendo bass. He was posted at the Graffé Cafe in Wynwood dur... More >>

  • Birds Of A Feather Suck Together

    published December 4, 2014

    The Baltimore Ravens suck at everything. If they tried to kick a soup can into the ocean, they’d miss. They’re weaker than a... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    Khaotic, Overtown Rapper's Basel 2014 Art Piece Started Blockwide "Boola!" Chant

    published Dec 08, 2014

    Khaotic is an Overtown rapper who collaborated with a Hungarian abstract artist named MSL for "Khaotic Killz Basel," a mobile pop-up art performance. They put a painting on a Benz and staged impro... More >>

  • Blazing Amazing

    published November 27, 2014

    The Atlanta Hawks are slower than C-SPAN on sleeping pills. They couldn’t slam a can of soda on a countertop. They haven’t... More >>

  • FEATURED STORY

    Telekinetic Walrus on Little Haiti's Moksha Art Fair: "Home of All Super-Psychedelic Weirdos"

    published Dec 03, 2014

    Telekinetic Walrus looks like a gang of interdimensional beings on a concert tour across space-time. This Miami band's stellar live shows are a tripped-out electronic circus of operatic vocals, rh... More >>

  • Failure Is Their Middle Name

    published November 20, 2014

    The Charlotte Hornets are a terrible basketball team. Their offense is as useless as a Nerf ball in a gunfight, and their defense stinks... More >>

  • No Bucks, No Glory

    published November 13, 2014

    The Milwaukee Bucks are so lousy that the NBA ought to add animated stink lines to them when they hit the court. They lose more often than... More >>

  • The Message is In The Medium

    published September 18, 2014

    Art isn’t ruled by truth or beauty or the subconscious mind. It’s governed by a simple precept, which is this: If it makes no money,... More >>

  • Uncle Luke and 2 Live Crew Reuniting for One Night Only at LIV Miami
    FEATURED STORY

    Uncle Luke and 2 Live Crew Reuniting for "One Night Only" at LIV Miami

    published Nov 18, 2014

    Get ready to pull out your "Me So Horny," "Pop That Coochie," and "We Want Some Pussy" dance moves, because the 2 Live Crew's Fresh Kid Ice, Brother Marquis, and Uncle Luke are reuniting for "one ni... More >>

  • Buffalo Bullcrap

    published November 13, 2014

    The Buffalo Bills are softer than a pile of baby ducks, and they’ve got yellow bellies too. Legend has it they all have a good cry... More >>

  • Indiana Trashketball

    published November 6, 2014

    The Indiana Pacers stink worse than a bag of fish on a summer day. They call themselves a basketball team? They couldn’t throw a... More >>

  • Cash and Blood

    published November 6, 2014

    Steve Almond is an award-winning journalist who wrote for this very paper way back in the ’90s. Then he quit his job and became a New... More >>

  • DJ Bre on Dormtainment and Miami Hip-Hop
    FEATURED STORY

    DJ Bre on Dormtainment and Miami Hip-Hop

    published Nov 13, 2014

    The life of the party is in the hands of the DJ. They play the cuts that keep the people dancing, moving, and shouting along. They are also in charge of bringing the newest sounds of the streets in... More >>

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